I've been intending to post more on my Battletech World musings for over a month. I've been intending to do a lot of things... Let me tell you, the last few months have degenerated into my feeling a lot like Bill Murray in "Groundhog Day." 8-week semesters in online college are actually kinda killer - it seems just as you're getting into a class, it's mid-terms, then finals. Since everything I'm taking from here on out is a history class (save Astronomy, which I'm admittedly procrastinating on taking) it's reasearch, papers, and more research. So school is whipping my butt-tocks. I realized the depths of my morale loss when I managed to flub one week in my Revolutionary War class by simply blanking on the posting requirements and missing some things entirely. I deservedly got a C and a 50 on two assignments, and that shook me hard since the lowest grade I'd gotten so far was a 97. It made me take a hard look at WHY I got those grades.
My give-a-dam busted. It's the hamster wheel of life. Get up, dress one or more children, get said child or children to daycare, go to work. Work on some schoolwork, pick up kids, feed kids, get kids to bed - and by the time they're in bed, be too fatigued to do much else. Completely fail to sleep through the night - even with meds - and wake up and do it all over again. And again. And again. And on Sundays - marathon through the schoolwork I have left for the week. This last week it was five hours straight of finishing up my lessons.
Last week was supposedly Spring Break - so I got time off work. Predictably for my current run of luck, my wife, myself, and both kids took turns having the 24-hour stomach explosion. This, plus other commitments meant that my psychologist-perscribed concept of taking some time to relax completely by playing some AD&D turned into a total mess. There were some bright spots, to be sure - we did get 4 hours of good gaming in, I got to see my little girl learn to hold her own bottle at last, and my little boy and I got some great playtime in. I managed to hit the gym 9 days in a row, then take Sat and Sun off, and get back to it yesterday. And that 30 minutes on the elliptical doesn't feel nearly as tough as it did a week ago. Next week I'm adding 5 minutes, and 5 again each week until I hit an hour. So there were bright spots...
I will say that the brief AD&D we DID get in - after trying to get rolling twice before - kinda served to remind me of what I'm missing. I found it kind of a tease, really. I miss THAC0. I miss Exceptional Strength for fighters. I miss hit dice. Basically, AD&D, like 80s music and episodes of Cheers, calms my mind and helps me focus on relaxation. It reminds me of a simpler time when I didn't have bills to pay, research to do, and children to mind. Now, don't get me wrong - parenthood has been an amazing journey so far, but as Dr. Lisa my therapist has told me (in addition to my Mom, my friends, etc.) I can't take care of my family if I don't take care of myself. I'm not sleeping right, I'm not relaxing, and I'm pretty much tied into stress knots most of the time. The one hobby game I have left, the amazing Royal Dragoon Guards, is feeling more and more like work and I'm having a harder and harder time giving it the work it's due. My motivation for pretty much everything is just... gone. I keep doing the things I absolutely have to do, and not much else. My brain won't be quiet - I keep thinking about bills, whether or not our foster kids will still be with us a month from now, if I'm going to be able to graduate this fall... if it can be worried about, I keep worrying about it. Nothing has really helped. Even the THIRD sleep med, this one also used for anti-anxiety, fails to really help.
My perscription from my therapist is for relaxation. The problem is finding time, and not feeling guilty about it. When I'm trying to do something for me, that means I'm not doing something for my wife or my kids- and that bothers me so much I have a hard time enjoying whatever I'm doing. I've gotta do something... But I'm not sure what. My mother says parents should give up pretty much everything in their lives until their kids are in their tweens or so. I'm not wired that way - I can't relax without having some social interaction, preferably in the form of gaming. It's my mental release, and has been since I've been a teenager. And I miss it.
Sorry for the downer. Hope that I can blog more about the gaming part here soon.
20 March 2012
24 January 2012
Battletech World Musings -
I've often talked and posted on RPG forums about my belief that contrary to what folks say, the original "feel" of Battletech was perfectly sustainable without changing the base assumptions of the universe as happened with the 3025-3050 time jump. MechWarriors went from knights to glorified tank drivers as technology recovered at a fantastic rate. The feeling of the world changed, no longer could a battalion garrison an entire planet- sometimes even a company - now there were Regimental Combat Teams being flung about and massive battles the likes of which hadn't been seen since Kerensky. The Battletech board game was designed for company-level actions and below, and the world was tailored to those skirmish-type battles. The change in focus and scope brought a lot more changes - some of which left players feeling marginalized as 'Mechs and 'MechWarriors became more common and less rarefied.
Let me see if I can weave an image of "my" MechWarrior Universe... Let's set the way back machine for the waning years of the Third Succession War, the original starting point, before the Fourth War, before the Clans, before everything else...
****
King George grimaced as the darkness in his audience chamber flashed, flickered, and then was broken by the slowly increasing glow of the electric lights. A moment later, the King's nose told him the furnace had began to operate, with the scent of that first blast of heat filling the air. Around the audience chamber, he saw men and women who had stalwartly refused to dress for the chill - their King had indicated by his dress that the lack of power to the castle would not cause them to change their daily routine. Some of them could not disguise their relief as warm air began to issue from the ventilation system, and the King could not fault them. A long moment passed with the inhabitants of the chamber saying nothing, the silence was broken by the footfalls of approaching men.
Precentor Giles did not pause to be announced, a fact that rankled King George and caused his Senior Technician, walking abreast with the Precentor, to pause at the entryway as protocol demanded.
"Precentor Giles of the Most Blessed Order of ComStar!" sounded through the room, echoing off the vaulted stone of the chamber, the voice of the officiant rushing through the announcement in a futile attempt to preserve protocol. Senior Technician Hertmann almost jogged to catch back up the Precentor, but kept a respectful pace behind the robed figure as he approached the throne.
"Your Majesty, by the blessings of Blake we have restored power to your fortress - for now." The Precentor announced imperiously, with only a sketch of a bow. The King narrowed his eyes and leaned forward. He wanted to rebuke the Precentor for his lack of protocol, but his forces were so damnably dependent on ComStar for technical support he didn't dare risk the Order's ire.
"For now, Precentor? Pray explain." The King cast a glance at his Senior Technician and noticed his visibly downcast expression.
"I must regretfully inform you that the ancient generators that power this fortress are nearing the end of their useful service lives. They were never designed to last two centuries, and I'm afraid the rather earnest but regrettably unsophisticated attempts of your own technical staff have resulted in makeshift repairs that only make matters worse."
Hertmann visibly grimaced as the Precentor derided his skills, and those of his techs. He wanted to speak in his own defense, but he was as aware of the Kingdom's need for ComStar assistance as his monarch, and held his tongue.
"Further, Your Majesty, I believe ComStar can solve your power issues with much less fuss and bother than keeping centuries-old fission generators in operation. Please allow me to ask my superiors if we can manage to have a fusion plant shipped here from Terra. We do have a few still in stockpile from the Star League days, and for the purposes of powering your castle and the surrounding town, I believe I can make a good case to the Primus that your world and your people deserve this blessing in the name of peace."
"What, Precentor, would be ComStar's fee for this... blessing?" The King asked, knowing the price would be far too high.
"Oh, quite reasonable, Your Majesty. ComStar would request one hundred square kilometers of your land centered on the old ruins north of Dansen. We would like to establish a monastery there, and a work camp for the homeless here and abroad. Your world has the blessing of ample farmland, farmland that could be worked to the benefit of those who have no food on their homeworlds. In addition, I believe there is a vein of sphalerite in that region. We could employ some of these refugees to mine that, and turn the resulting iron ore and zinc over to you as tribute." The Precentor smiled with a look of complete serenity, bowing slowly from the shoulders.
King George looked once again to his Senior Technician. Hertmann was looking back intently with an expression that mirrored the King's own thoughts. Something was wrong here. There was more to this than the Precentor was letting on, of course, but could the King turn down a fusion plant- cheap, clean power for the castle and the surrounding town- in exchange for some farmland that was being worked by men and animals and a few decrepit tractors?
"Precentor, should we grant you this land, you will doubtless work it to the extent of ComStar's vast technological knowledge to work the land in the most efficient manner, yes?" The King asked slowly.
"Of course, Your Majesty." The Precentor decided to set the hook. "And once ComStar has an agricultural interest on this world, we would of course be bringing in the kinds of agricultural equipment in use on far more affluent worlds. Perhaps Our Blessed Order would see fit to provide the services of some of these machines to your own farms as perpetual payment for the lease of the monastery land?"
The King knew he was making a deal with the devil - but he had people and an army to feed. He knew he could not ask for war materiel - ComStar was of course neutral in these matters. "We agree to this proposal, Precentor, and we thank the Blessed Order for their support of our kingdom. Please stay and dine with us to celebrate the beginning of a new prosperity..."
****
Adept Haley bowed as his superior climbed into their speeder - a vehicle that by its graceful lines and quiet fusion drive reminded everyone on this Blake-forsaken rock that ComStar and its technicians were what saved them from living like barbarians. As the hatch of the speeder clicked closed and Haley settled into the pilot's seat, he cast a glance at the Precentor in the back seat.
"Did all go according to plan, Eminence?"
"Oh, yes, Haley. Yes indeed. Our friend Georgie up there in his ridiculously quaint castle sold us the land in exchange for a fusion drive and a few ag robots." The Precentor smiled at his own faint reflection in the mirror.
"That's not much of a payout, considering the mineral reports we received." The Adept commented.
"You just arrived from Terra, Adept, so I will spell this out for you. The Will of Blake is that Our Blessed Order will preserve mankind and have her rise from the ashes wrought by the Succession Wars, but in order for us to do that, we must carefully husband resources until we are strong enough to impose the Will of Blake upon the Human Sphere. These resources include materials and people. This world is a perfect example. Most of the rest of the Lyran Commonwealth doesn't even know this planet exists, and if they did they would laugh that this marginal ball of rock has no less that four men styling themselves "kings." We control information, therefore we have managed to monopolize trade with this world to ComStar-owned traders, and therefore we have controlled imported technologies here for four generations. The fusion core I offered them was produced on Terra in one of ComStar's mass production facilities just last year, and then painstakingly aged to look as if it were a Star League artifact. This ancient and rare artifact is being so generously doled to the King by ComStar as a token of our goodwill, in exchange for the establishment of the monastery and work camp. We'll mine their ore, keep the germanium they don't even know is there, and give them all the zinc and iron they want..." The Precentor's voice drifted off.
Adept Haley was thoughtful. "Excuse my ignorance, Your Eminence, but aside from the germanium's use in our HPGs and drive cores... what good does the rest of this deal do toward the Will of Blake?"
"Goodwill, Haley. The people of this planet will appreciate our tablescraps. Of course we could thoroughly modernize this world with trivial effort. In a decade we could have this world producing enough food to feed the nearest five planets. We allow them to continue their territorial disputes and farm their lands with mule teams so that when we gift them with 'irreplacable' agriculture drones or other technological tidbits they see us as the saviors of mankind. When the time comes for ComStar to make its move, that goodwill becomes a weapon we will use to turn the people, weary from centuries of war, to the Will of Blake."
"I see, Eminence. And... we operate in the same manner at the level of the Houses?" Haley was making a connection.
"Of course, Haley. And above. We control interstellar communications. We have technologies on Terra the likes of which most worlds don't even imagine existing. We recover or destroy what artifacts may be dangerous to the Will of Blake, and allow those that keep the status quo to find their way into the arsenal of the Successor House that is in the worst need. We keep the balance, and they oblige us by continuing to war over a throne that has been empty for centuries. Someday soon, the Houses will be so weak from the conflicts that they will be too weak to war with one another - infrastructures will shatter, militaries will be unable to conduct offensives... the people, Haley, will be so weary of the privations of endless war, of losing sons and daughters to rulers great and petty... A people will do drastic things when they are desperate for change. We have them balanced precariously on the edge of technology's knife - we only sparingly allow 'Mechs, FTL starships and advanced thinking machines to be built. When we do, we make sure ComStar is there to... 'advise'... We encourage their construction and employment of tanks... DropShips... infantry arms... the tools they need to grind one another to that glorious breaking point. The pieces will be ours to pick up, and the Star League will be reborn as the Blessed Profet Jerome Blake prophesied."
Haley swallowed uncomfortably. "And the dead?"
"How many more would die, Haley, if we failed to assume control to ultimately stop the killing? Those who die now do so to bring about the peace that will save all of those who remain. It is the Will of Blake - it is mathematically moral, regrettable though it may be."
The speeder continued on into the night, with Adept Haley's thoughts becoming ever deeper and darker. Was this The Order he had really joined? Perhaps Precentor Giles was right...
Let me see if I can weave an image of "my" MechWarrior Universe... Let's set the way back machine for the waning years of the Third Succession War, the original starting point, before the Fourth War, before the Clans, before everything else...
****
King George grimaced as the darkness in his audience chamber flashed, flickered, and then was broken by the slowly increasing glow of the electric lights. A moment later, the King's nose told him the furnace had began to operate, with the scent of that first blast of heat filling the air. Around the audience chamber, he saw men and women who had stalwartly refused to dress for the chill - their King had indicated by his dress that the lack of power to the castle would not cause them to change their daily routine. Some of them could not disguise their relief as warm air began to issue from the ventilation system, and the King could not fault them. A long moment passed with the inhabitants of the chamber saying nothing, the silence was broken by the footfalls of approaching men.
Precentor Giles did not pause to be announced, a fact that rankled King George and caused his Senior Technician, walking abreast with the Precentor, to pause at the entryway as protocol demanded.
"Precentor Giles of the Most Blessed Order of ComStar!" sounded through the room, echoing off the vaulted stone of the chamber, the voice of the officiant rushing through the announcement in a futile attempt to preserve protocol. Senior Technician Hertmann almost jogged to catch back up the Precentor, but kept a respectful pace behind the robed figure as he approached the throne.
"Your Majesty, by the blessings of Blake we have restored power to your fortress - for now." The Precentor announced imperiously, with only a sketch of a bow. The King narrowed his eyes and leaned forward. He wanted to rebuke the Precentor for his lack of protocol, but his forces were so damnably dependent on ComStar for technical support he didn't dare risk the Order's ire.
"For now, Precentor? Pray explain." The King cast a glance at his Senior Technician and noticed his visibly downcast expression.
"I must regretfully inform you that the ancient generators that power this fortress are nearing the end of their useful service lives. They were never designed to last two centuries, and I'm afraid the rather earnest but regrettably unsophisticated attempts of your own technical staff have resulted in makeshift repairs that only make matters worse."
Hertmann visibly grimaced as the Precentor derided his skills, and those of his techs. He wanted to speak in his own defense, but he was as aware of the Kingdom's need for ComStar assistance as his monarch, and held his tongue.
"Further, Your Majesty, I believe ComStar can solve your power issues with much less fuss and bother than keeping centuries-old fission generators in operation. Please allow me to ask my superiors if we can manage to have a fusion plant shipped here from Terra. We do have a few still in stockpile from the Star League days, and for the purposes of powering your castle and the surrounding town, I believe I can make a good case to the Primus that your world and your people deserve this blessing in the name of peace."
"What, Precentor, would be ComStar's fee for this... blessing?" The King asked, knowing the price would be far too high.
"Oh, quite reasonable, Your Majesty. ComStar would request one hundred square kilometers of your land centered on the old ruins north of Dansen. We would like to establish a monastery there, and a work camp for the homeless here and abroad. Your world has the blessing of ample farmland, farmland that could be worked to the benefit of those who have no food on their homeworlds. In addition, I believe there is a vein of sphalerite in that region. We could employ some of these refugees to mine that, and turn the resulting iron ore and zinc over to you as tribute." The Precentor smiled with a look of complete serenity, bowing slowly from the shoulders.
King George looked once again to his Senior Technician. Hertmann was looking back intently with an expression that mirrored the King's own thoughts. Something was wrong here. There was more to this than the Precentor was letting on, of course, but could the King turn down a fusion plant- cheap, clean power for the castle and the surrounding town- in exchange for some farmland that was being worked by men and animals and a few decrepit tractors?
"Precentor, should we grant you this land, you will doubtless work it to the extent of ComStar's vast technological knowledge to work the land in the most efficient manner, yes?" The King asked slowly.
"Of course, Your Majesty." The Precentor decided to set the hook. "And once ComStar has an agricultural interest on this world, we would of course be bringing in the kinds of agricultural equipment in use on far more affluent worlds. Perhaps Our Blessed Order would see fit to provide the services of some of these machines to your own farms as perpetual payment for the lease of the monastery land?"
The King knew he was making a deal with the devil - but he had people and an army to feed. He knew he could not ask for war materiel - ComStar was of course neutral in these matters. "We agree to this proposal, Precentor, and we thank the Blessed Order for their support of our kingdom. Please stay and dine with us to celebrate the beginning of a new prosperity..."
****
Adept Haley bowed as his superior climbed into their speeder - a vehicle that by its graceful lines and quiet fusion drive reminded everyone on this Blake-forsaken rock that ComStar and its technicians were what saved them from living like barbarians. As the hatch of the speeder clicked closed and Haley settled into the pilot's seat, he cast a glance at the Precentor in the back seat.
"Did all go according to plan, Eminence?"
"Oh, yes, Haley. Yes indeed. Our friend Georgie up there in his ridiculously quaint castle sold us the land in exchange for a fusion drive and a few ag robots." The Precentor smiled at his own faint reflection in the mirror.
"That's not much of a payout, considering the mineral reports we received." The Adept commented.
"You just arrived from Terra, Adept, so I will spell this out for you. The Will of Blake is that Our Blessed Order will preserve mankind and have her rise from the ashes wrought by the Succession Wars, but in order for us to do that, we must carefully husband resources until we are strong enough to impose the Will of Blake upon the Human Sphere. These resources include materials and people. This world is a perfect example. Most of the rest of the Lyran Commonwealth doesn't even know this planet exists, and if they did they would laugh that this marginal ball of rock has no less that four men styling themselves "kings." We control information, therefore we have managed to monopolize trade with this world to ComStar-owned traders, and therefore we have controlled imported technologies here for four generations. The fusion core I offered them was produced on Terra in one of ComStar's mass production facilities just last year, and then painstakingly aged to look as if it were a Star League artifact. This ancient and rare artifact is being so generously doled to the King by ComStar as a token of our goodwill, in exchange for the establishment of the monastery and work camp. We'll mine their ore, keep the germanium they don't even know is there, and give them all the zinc and iron they want..." The Precentor's voice drifted off.
Adept Haley was thoughtful. "Excuse my ignorance, Your Eminence, but aside from the germanium's use in our HPGs and drive cores... what good does the rest of this deal do toward the Will of Blake?"
"Goodwill, Haley. The people of this planet will appreciate our tablescraps. Of course we could thoroughly modernize this world with trivial effort. In a decade we could have this world producing enough food to feed the nearest five planets. We allow them to continue their territorial disputes and farm their lands with mule teams so that when we gift them with 'irreplacable' agriculture drones or other technological tidbits they see us as the saviors of mankind. When the time comes for ComStar to make its move, that goodwill becomes a weapon we will use to turn the people, weary from centuries of war, to the Will of Blake."
"I see, Eminence. And... we operate in the same manner at the level of the Houses?" Haley was making a connection.
"Of course, Haley. And above. We control interstellar communications. We have technologies on Terra the likes of which most worlds don't even imagine existing. We recover or destroy what artifacts may be dangerous to the Will of Blake, and allow those that keep the status quo to find their way into the arsenal of the Successor House that is in the worst need. We keep the balance, and they oblige us by continuing to war over a throne that has been empty for centuries. Someday soon, the Houses will be so weak from the conflicts that they will be too weak to war with one another - infrastructures will shatter, militaries will be unable to conduct offensives... the people, Haley, will be so weary of the privations of endless war, of losing sons and daughters to rulers great and petty... A people will do drastic things when they are desperate for change. We have them balanced precariously on the edge of technology's knife - we only sparingly allow 'Mechs, FTL starships and advanced thinking machines to be built. When we do, we make sure ComStar is there to... 'advise'... We encourage their construction and employment of tanks... DropShips... infantry arms... the tools they need to grind one another to that glorious breaking point. The pieces will be ours to pick up, and the Star League will be reborn as the Blessed Profet Jerome Blake prophesied."
Haley swallowed uncomfortably. "And the dead?"
"How many more would die, Haley, if we failed to assume control to ultimately stop the killing? Those who die now do so to bring about the peace that will save all of those who remain. It is the Will of Blake - it is mathematically moral, regrettable though it may be."
The speeder continued on into the night, with Adept Haley's thoughts becoming ever deeper and darker. Was this The Order he had really joined? Perhaps Precentor Giles was right...
12 January 2012
New Year - New Musings on D&D 5e
OK, dear readers. New year, new discussions, new dedication to blogging about stuff. In honor of this dedication, I'm going to use this first post to talk about Dungeons and Dragons 5th Edition. The internet is burning up with discussions, disgust, hope... Forbes and the New York Times even mentioned the new edition. Mike Mearls has been making some pretty interesting comments on just what 5e would be, and the open playtest model has got a lot of people talking - and signing up.
So, 5e, eh? Here's my thoughts on 4e. When Dungeons and Dragons 4th Edition first came out, I wasn't a fan. I bought the PHB, DMG and MM at launch and learned the rules and found that it just wasn't what I wanted in D&D. It wasn't a bad game- just not the kind of D&D I had grown accustomed to. Time went by. D&D launched the Essentials line. For some strange reason that hooked me. My friends tell me it was the Larry Elmore artwork on the Red Box, but I assure you it was the rules tweaks. Gone were the martial characters that played like spellcasters, "defender aura" made so much more sense to me than "mark", and best of all I got into the D&D Encounters program at the FLGS and had a blast with it. Maybe 4e *could* be the kind of game I could love. Sadly, to this day I have still not gotten to see if the game would work for me and my players as a home campaign - I have players who stolidly refuse to touch anything 4e if they can help it.
So, what did I like about D&D Essentials that persuaded me to change my mind about 4e? Well, first of all there are a couple of things that both 4e and 4eE do that are, from a player perspective, very good changes. Thanks to healing surges and extra HP first level characters don't have the mortality rate they used to. Now, trust me, I still carry my 1985-vintage grognard card from when I first started playing D&D. I am used to player mortality rates being in the triple-digits as one or two poor players lose 3-5 characters before the party averages 2nd level. That's the way it was... and we liked it! But today's gamers are different in their outlook, and a newbie player who might be teetering between being a mundane or being a closet geek might be made or broken by a single bad gaming experience.
Let's talk about Carly. Carly is a girly-girl, and had never picked up much less rolled a D20 in her life. She was into pedis and shopping and dancing and karaoke and didn't read much and didn't really watch sci-fi or genre TV outside of the Lord of the Rings films... So, not our target audience. Or is she? I have always been of the opinion that inside nearly EVERYONE is a gamer waiting for the right game. So we talked Carly into coming over and trying D&D. A little alcohol and some good friends later, she made up her first D&D character using the choose-your-own-path vignette from the Red Box (Essentials) book. And we played.
Now, Carly had chosen to play a thief. Had we been playing BD&D or AD&D1e I guarantee you she wouldn't have lasted thirty minutes into the game as she played her character with cinematic gusto. A 4HP thief would have died several times over, ending her first D&D character and probably souring her on the experience. BUT - with the way D&D Essentials characters are built, not only did she survive taking some risks and diving into the melee, but thanks to minion rules she was able to feel like a total hero on her first time out.
Some of my players think 1st Level characters in 4e are overpowered. I tend to agree until I look at the situation I just described. Carly may not find a weekly D&D game - but I'm pretty sure the next time she comes to visit she'll wanna play with us again. Her first experience was empowering, and fun - and that's what it should be if we expect to recruit new gamers from outside the audience that is already predisposed toward our hobby.
Oh, I digressed... Back to what I liked about Essentials. OK, the Warpriest played like a BD&D Cleric. I could kick butt, and I could heal - sometimes in the same round. I really liked that. I also liked healing being per encounter rather than per day. It made the party a little more hardy and let us get on with the business of adventuring instead of camping after every fight. Now, I know this is how we played from when I got into the hobby until 4e launched, but I can admit that it's traditional - but not optimal. The slow grind up from 1st Level to about 5th Level was a slog with a lot of running back to the camp or the keep to sleep and recharge spells. Getting around that made for a faster-moving narrarative.
I like that martial abilities now make a little more sense to the in-game physics. OK, someone standing next to my fighter causes me to swing at them when they're attacking one of my friends - makes sense. Me going "Hey, you, over there! Come get me!" and having that cause a to-hit penalty, or worse in the case of the Paladin cause damage... not so much. Now, if that Paladin damage happens while the opponent is next to the Paladin, that's more like a holy aura. It's things like these, and stances, that tend to make more sense to me for some reason and make Essentials feel more like D&D that original 2008 4e.
So, now 5e is coming out. I am going to be cautiously optimistic. Now, I'll be honest. If I were to start a D&D campaign tomorrow I would be equally likely to use Essentials, Basic D&D (B/X or BECMI), AD&D 1 or 2... I have some love for all versions of D&D save 4.0 and 3.0 (I don't dislike 3.0, but 3.5 does solve some of the early 3.0 issues). There's also Pathfinder and FantasyCraft, which are also quality games each with their own flavor. To complicate things, I'm also a fan of OSRIC, Labyrinth Lord, Dark Dungeons and the retroclone movement in general...
So what am I saying? On one hand, I don't really need a new edition of D&D. I already have several editions that all serve their purpose in different ways. On the other hand, this is Wizards of the Coast's opportunity to do what they have stated is their goal - which is to create a version of D&D that will be acceptable to fans of all editions. They have said they will be building a modular game. I think this is a great idea. It reminds me of the Advanced Edition Companion book for Labyrinth Lord. It basically makes a B/X Clone into a usable AD&D clone. The beauty is that one adds to the other, rather than replacing it. If the new D&D is built like that, then BD&D and AD&D (for example) can be easily compatible. Mearls has already been quoted as saying that a grid and tactical combat would be a module to be added to the basic game. This suits me fine, as I've got players who love tactical combat, but some who want narrarative combat instead.
If this opportunity is made the most of, and WoTC actually listens to the playtesters... I think this could rock quite a bit. We could get a cleaned up version of Basic D&D that would contain the ability to be expanded to a more tactical, or more detailed, or more... anything game. Modular. It could work. In fact, I've been cribbing some notes myself - but I promised after Stars Without Number totally blew away the project I was working on that I'd stay away from writing my own fantasy heartbreakers. Of course... there is still the tempation to do it...
5e. I'm signed up to playtest. I look forward to seeing what they've got going on. Cautiously Optimistic.
So, 5e, eh? Here's my thoughts on 4e. When Dungeons and Dragons 4th Edition first came out, I wasn't a fan. I bought the PHB, DMG and MM at launch and learned the rules and found that it just wasn't what I wanted in D&D. It wasn't a bad game- just not the kind of D&D I had grown accustomed to. Time went by. D&D launched the Essentials line. For some strange reason that hooked me. My friends tell me it was the Larry Elmore artwork on the Red Box, but I assure you it was the rules tweaks. Gone were the martial characters that played like spellcasters, "defender aura" made so much more sense to me than "mark", and best of all I got into the D&D Encounters program at the FLGS and had a blast with it. Maybe 4e *could* be the kind of game I could love. Sadly, to this day I have still not gotten to see if the game would work for me and my players as a home campaign - I have players who stolidly refuse to touch anything 4e if they can help it.
So, what did I like about D&D Essentials that persuaded me to change my mind about 4e? Well, first of all there are a couple of things that both 4e and 4eE do that are, from a player perspective, very good changes. Thanks to healing surges and extra HP first level characters don't have the mortality rate they used to. Now, trust me, I still carry my 1985-vintage grognard card from when I first started playing D&D. I am used to player mortality rates being in the triple-digits as one or two poor players lose 3-5 characters before the party averages 2nd level. That's the way it was... and we liked it! But today's gamers are different in their outlook, and a newbie player who might be teetering between being a mundane or being a closet geek might be made or broken by a single bad gaming experience.
Let's talk about Carly. Carly is a girly-girl, and had never picked up much less rolled a D20 in her life. She was into pedis and shopping and dancing and karaoke and didn't read much and didn't really watch sci-fi or genre TV outside of the Lord of the Rings films... So, not our target audience. Or is she? I have always been of the opinion that inside nearly EVERYONE is a gamer waiting for the right game. So we talked Carly into coming over and trying D&D. A little alcohol and some good friends later, she made up her first D&D character using the choose-your-own-path vignette from the Red Box (Essentials) book. And we played.
Now, Carly had chosen to play a thief. Had we been playing BD&D or AD&D1e I guarantee you she wouldn't have lasted thirty minutes into the game as she played her character with cinematic gusto. A 4HP thief would have died several times over, ending her first D&D character and probably souring her on the experience. BUT - with the way D&D Essentials characters are built, not only did she survive taking some risks and diving into the melee, but thanks to minion rules she was able to feel like a total hero on her first time out.
Some of my players think 1st Level characters in 4e are overpowered. I tend to agree until I look at the situation I just described. Carly may not find a weekly D&D game - but I'm pretty sure the next time she comes to visit she'll wanna play with us again. Her first experience was empowering, and fun - and that's what it should be if we expect to recruit new gamers from outside the audience that is already predisposed toward our hobby.
Oh, I digressed... Back to what I liked about Essentials. OK, the Warpriest played like a BD&D Cleric. I could kick butt, and I could heal - sometimes in the same round. I really liked that. I also liked healing being per encounter rather than per day. It made the party a little more hardy and let us get on with the business of adventuring instead of camping after every fight. Now, I know this is how we played from when I got into the hobby until 4e launched, but I can admit that it's traditional - but not optimal. The slow grind up from 1st Level to about 5th Level was a slog with a lot of running back to the camp or the keep to sleep and recharge spells. Getting around that made for a faster-moving narrarative.
I like that martial abilities now make a little more sense to the in-game physics. OK, someone standing next to my fighter causes me to swing at them when they're attacking one of my friends - makes sense. Me going "Hey, you, over there! Come get me!" and having that cause a to-hit penalty, or worse in the case of the Paladin cause damage... not so much. Now, if that Paladin damage happens while the opponent is next to the Paladin, that's more like a holy aura. It's things like these, and stances, that tend to make more sense to me for some reason and make Essentials feel more like D&D that original 2008 4e.
So, now 5e is coming out. I am going to be cautiously optimistic. Now, I'll be honest. If I were to start a D&D campaign tomorrow I would be equally likely to use Essentials, Basic D&D (B/X or BECMI), AD&D 1 or 2... I have some love for all versions of D&D save 4.0 and 3.0 (I don't dislike 3.0, but 3.5 does solve some of the early 3.0 issues). There's also Pathfinder and FantasyCraft, which are also quality games each with their own flavor. To complicate things, I'm also a fan of OSRIC, Labyrinth Lord, Dark Dungeons and the retroclone movement in general...
So what am I saying? On one hand, I don't really need a new edition of D&D. I already have several editions that all serve their purpose in different ways. On the other hand, this is Wizards of the Coast's opportunity to do what they have stated is their goal - which is to create a version of D&D that will be acceptable to fans of all editions. They have said they will be building a modular game. I think this is a great idea. It reminds me of the Advanced Edition Companion book for Labyrinth Lord. It basically makes a B/X Clone into a usable AD&D clone. The beauty is that one adds to the other, rather than replacing it. If the new D&D is built like that, then BD&D and AD&D (for example) can be easily compatible. Mearls has already been quoted as saying that a grid and tactical combat would be a module to be added to the basic game. This suits me fine, as I've got players who love tactical combat, but some who want narrarative combat instead.
If this opportunity is made the most of, and WoTC actually listens to the playtesters... I think this could rock quite a bit. We could get a cleaned up version of Basic D&D that would contain the ability to be expanded to a more tactical, or more detailed, or more... anything game. Modular. It could work. In fact, I've been cribbing some notes myself - but I promised after Stars Without Number totally blew away the project I was working on that I'd stay away from writing my own fantasy heartbreakers. Of course... there is still the tempation to do it...
5e. I'm signed up to playtest. I look forward to seeing what they've got going on. Cautiously Optimistic.
29 November 2011
Parenthood Strikes - Reflections upon a month of being a Foster Dad.
Just a few days after having made that last post, Mary and I were blessed with the placement of two foster children. Now, because these are foster kids from the CPS system, I can't post their names or photos, since it's a "privacy issue" according to our foster care agency. The oldest is a boy, Z, who is 2 years old. He's a handsome young man who is very sharp, and quite helpful. He also has some temper issues likely a result of being 2, and of having been through some rough times in his life where he didn't get the attention he needed. These issues have waxed and waned depending on our situations, which I'll get to later in this post. His little sister, K, turned six months just a bit ago. She's a very happy baby, and has wrapped me around her little finger in record time.
In the first two weeks, I was Mr. Mom. My wife has a job that allows her very little paid time off. In fact, their company is going through a rough patch. There have been layoffs, and she's had to take Fridays off without pay for the past few weeks, and will be getting a week without pay in December. This is a set of time-buying maneuvers by the owners to keep the doors open until January, when their business traditionally picks up. What this meant is that after the placement, taking care of the kids during the day was 100% me. Which was fine. In theory.
I learned almost overnight how to change diapers, make formula, what the proper amount of time in our microwave was to heat said formula, how to change and put to bed a 2-year-old... I also learned that while juggling two small children it is impossible to do anything that requires concentration. My schoolwork started to fall behind, and in an 8-week semester, that can be deadly.
Let me say that before we were placed with the kids, I had taken a step that was quite out of character for me, and began seeing a councilor. My work plays for an employee assistance program, and under EAP any employee can get a free 8 sessions of counciling. I had reached a point in my life where I knew something wasn't right, and maybe it was time I did something about it. So I'd been seeing Lisa, my councilor, for about a month when the kids came along. I talked to her about my inability to rest, my overactive mind that wouldn't shut off at night, my attempts to hold our group of freinds together after some events started to pull it apart... So yeah, I was not in a great place before the kids arrived.
The arrival of our children was initially a very happy event. Mary and I had worked for this for literally years, we'd taken classes, background checks, fingerprints... all the hoops you have to jump through to become foster parents. And there's a lot of it. So this was the fulfillment of a goal we had shared since we got married. Becoming parents is part of growing up, right?
Then the sleepless nights started. Or in my case, got worse. My anxiety and worry started getting worse. I was worried about falling behind in school. I was worried that both our cars needed work and we simply didn't have the money. My sleep became so shallow that any little noise Z or K made in the night had me snapping awake. I quickly got to the point that I couldn't fall asleep at all - since I would lie awake waiting for a child to cry. My mind just told me not to get too comfortable, because as soon as I did I would be changing someone or making a bottle. Then we discovered the water leak that's currently got two of our walls opened up and our insurance company involved. I'd reached a breaking point. I could no longer take on any more worry.
In addition to the stuff that was bothering me before the placement of kids, now we had so much more to deal with. There was the mechanics of having two small children - feeding, changing, playing, etc. There was the paperwork involved in foster care - and there's lots of that. There's visitations with the birth parents, which of course take place on the other side of Austin. There's medical visits, both because we have to get them taken care of as a part of our foster care (well checks) and due to visits K and Z have needed for illnesses. There's childcare arrangements, which still haven't been totally taken care of. Did you know daycare for a toddler is $600 per month, and for an infant is $800? Luckily, CCMS takes care of that cost after it kicks in, but it took three weeks for it to kick in. K was in daycare one day before a fever took her back out of daycare. And who had to take time off work to care for her? Yup. Me.
Now, that isn't Mary's fault. It's just the way things are. But the stresses from all directions started to close in on me. I felt trapped in my own home - and I started to develop an additional feeling of anxiety at the thought of being home. Especially after the water leak situation developed, I no longer felt at ease or comfortable in our house, and I looked for reasons to work late or to otherwise stay away. Mary took this as me not wanting to be around her or the kids- which was not strictly the case. The water leak and subsequen opening up of the damaged walls and week of drying equipment meant we spent a week living with my grandmother. During this time I called Lisa, who I hadn't seen for a month, and said I really needed to talk.
I'd tried to tell Mary about my feelings of anxiety. I tried to tell her that I don't want to feel this way- and I realize I'm having some very irrational fears. But knowing the fears are irrational, and dispelling them are different things. Talking to Lisa helped quite a bit. She suggested, among other things, that I may want to try anti-anxiety medications. I told her thanks, but no thanks. I need to keep my head clear to take care of my family. I don't cotton to mood-altering drugs. It takes me a lot to just take OTC medications.
In any case, Mary takes my anxiety personally. She also takes it to mean I no longer want kids. This isn't what I'm thinking at all. What I want is to understand and alleviate my anxiety so that I can sleep well, and be the father these kids need. I don't want to feel like an alien in my own home. I don't want to have a sense of impending doom like I live in the Amityville house. I want to be calm, on an even keel, and drive on.
I thought some gaming would help, so I organized a small game to try to do something "old school" that would take me back to the carefree days of youth where weekends were weekends and we played stuff like Traveller, Star Frontiers, BECMI D&D, Marvel Superheroes, etc. We played Traveller. I started to fall asleep a coupla hours into the session. It made me miserable. I can't even GM reliably anymore. Ugh.
Mary has accused me of wanting to go back to our old lives, and I'd be lying if I said that wasn't an attractive option. I'd love to decrease my stress levels. The problem is I've fallen in love with these two children, and if they left my care I know I would worry about who was caring for them, where they were, and what more I could have done to care for them. My friends and some of my family think that Mary and I shouldn't have them just now, that there are issues that need to be squared away. I used to think these issues were all me, but those same family and friends are telling me that they believe Mary could use some counseling, and that a lot of our problems have to do with her preconcieved notions of life and parenthood. They tell me I'm doing too much, worrying too much, and I've had more than one person say they're concerned for my physical and mental help.
Well, here's the deal. I want to slow down. I want to de-stress. But now, I have these two beautiful children who are depending on me. Mary's salary won't come close to paying the bills. That burden falls on me - whose paycheck covers all our bills and a bit of gas & groceries. She can't take off work when they have appointments, visits, or are sick. I have to take care of that. House has issues? I deal with insurance and plumbers and contractors. These are things she can't wrap her head around. I'm trying to offload as much as I can so she can help take some of this off my shoulders, but there's just so much of it that for one reason or another she can't relieve me of.
K and Z need me to keep on keepin' on. And I know, several of you have reminded me that if I have a mental or physical breakdown I won't be doing anyone any good. That's true, and I'm mindful of it. But if I can't find any other way to slow down, I'm going to have to keep taking care of business - because somebody has to. I just pray that sometime in the near future, I can catch by breath, get my focus back, and have some fun for fun's sake. I want to be able to sleep at night without millions of worries plaguing my mind. I want to be able to relax and not constantly have my head in "general quarters" mode ready to jump up and react to potential kid problems. I want to feel like there's time to, oh, shower, without feeling guilty about having my eyes off the kids. I got a big dose of that guilt this morning before work. And I took a French Shower (thanks, Old Spice deoderant!) and got my ass to work.
So, I am not happy. My wife is unhappy that I am unhappy. Not so much because *I* am unhappy, but because she thinks I am unhappy due to the children. You see, having children was apparently the whole point of our getting married 12 years ago. So, if I'm not happy with the children then our marraige isn't worth a whole lot. Or so she tells me. So, if I can't handle this transition and something results in the removal of K and Z, then it's my fault, and our marriage is pretty much over.
Like I needed *that* on top of everything else.
Look, to whom it may concern, I have had over a month now to become bonded to these children. Yes, I kinda favor K, who favors me. She's very much a foster daddy's girl. She cuddles with my dirty shirts and it stops her from crying. (Little trick I learned from babycenter.com) I also love Z, even though he gets on my nerves with his temper issues and screaming. But that aside he's also a very smart, very helpful little boy. He brings me diapers and wipes when K needs changing. He brings us bottles when she wants to be fed. At heart, he's a good boy - he just needs guidance and love. And that's what I hope we can give him.
So I love them both. I also love my wife more than I think she realizes. It hurts me that I'm out of the equation most of the time. I feel like I'm the thing that's necessary to keep the finances rolling so she can be mommy. If I'm not actively engaged in something in direct support of the kids, I get the guilt complex. She tries to give me "my space" so I can relax, but she doesn't fathom that I simply cannot relax with my mind being the way it is right now. No amount of time or quiet is going to calm me, I fear. That's why I'm seeing a freaking councilor. I did not choose this. I do not *want* to be showing this kind of frailty, weakness, whatever you want to call it. It sucks, and I feel that I'm not hacking it as a husband or a father, and I wonder how my elders ever survived all of this.
That's what kills me. I know every dad who ever was worth the title has been where I am. Why, then, am I affected on such a profound level that I find myself losing the ability to function on a day-to-day basis? I'm fatigued, forgetful, irritable... I've had physical issues that I've been told are probably psychosomatic reactions to stress. Upset stomach, I've vomited a couple of times for no real reason, I wake up with my legs feeling like I've done a 20-mile ruck march and I haven't even taken a flight of stairs in the previous 24. All of these are telltale signs of stress and a poor reaction to it. If my dad, stepdad, grandfathers... if they all handled this crap without complaint, why can't I? Am I really this screwed up, weak or pathetic?
So no. Not happy right now. Not happy at all. I have moments of happiness, like when K is asleep on my chest and all seems right with the world for just that wonderful, warm, glowing minute. Then the world creeps back in and I'm seeing bills, and damage to our home, and things that need to be done, and a wife who's coming to resent that I have a harder time with all of this than she does. Life kinda sucks.
In other news, Traveller and Star Frontiers. If you made it this far in this post, you deserve my thanks for reading a rant I'm pretty sure only one person on the planet is actually going to read. I promise my next post won't be this heavy, and that I'll actually discuss some gaming stuff - specifically, CLASSIC gaming stuff from the 70s and 80s that I've been trying to read for recreation, when I can. Even that release is denied to me though fatigue and inability to focus. But I digress... I do have some fun stuff to talk about, and I'll try to post about it this week, since I'm out of school.
Take care, folks.
In the first two weeks, I was Mr. Mom. My wife has a job that allows her very little paid time off. In fact, their company is going through a rough patch. There have been layoffs, and she's had to take Fridays off without pay for the past few weeks, and will be getting a week without pay in December. This is a set of time-buying maneuvers by the owners to keep the doors open until January, when their business traditionally picks up. What this meant is that after the placement, taking care of the kids during the day was 100% me. Which was fine. In theory.
I learned almost overnight how to change diapers, make formula, what the proper amount of time in our microwave was to heat said formula, how to change and put to bed a 2-year-old... I also learned that while juggling two small children it is impossible to do anything that requires concentration. My schoolwork started to fall behind, and in an 8-week semester, that can be deadly.
Let me say that before we were placed with the kids, I had taken a step that was quite out of character for me, and began seeing a councilor. My work plays for an employee assistance program, and under EAP any employee can get a free 8 sessions of counciling. I had reached a point in my life where I knew something wasn't right, and maybe it was time I did something about it. So I'd been seeing Lisa, my councilor, for about a month when the kids came along. I talked to her about my inability to rest, my overactive mind that wouldn't shut off at night, my attempts to hold our group of freinds together after some events started to pull it apart... So yeah, I was not in a great place before the kids arrived.
The arrival of our children was initially a very happy event. Mary and I had worked for this for literally years, we'd taken classes, background checks, fingerprints... all the hoops you have to jump through to become foster parents. And there's a lot of it. So this was the fulfillment of a goal we had shared since we got married. Becoming parents is part of growing up, right?
Then the sleepless nights started. Or in my case, got worse. My anxiety and worry started getting worse. I was worried about falling behind in school. I was worried that both our cars needed work and we simply didn't have the money. My sleep became so shallow that any little noise Z or K made in the night had me snapping awake. I quickly got to the point that I couldn't fall asleep at all - since I would lie awake waiting for a child to cry. My mind just told me not to get too comfortable, because as soon as I did I would be changing someone or making a bottle. Then we discovered the water leak that's currently got two of our walls opened up and our insurance company involved. I'd reached a breaking point. I could no longer take on any more worry.
In addition to the stuff that was bothering me before the placement of kids, now we had so much more to deal with. There was the mechanics of having two small children - feeding, changing, playing, etc. There was the paperwork involved in foster care - and there's lots of that. There's visitations with the birth parents, which of course take place on the other side of Austin. There's medical visits, both because we have to get them taken care of as a part of our foster care (well checks) and due to visits K and Z have needed for illnesses. There's childcare arrangements, which still haven't been totally taken care of. Did you know daycare for a toddler is $600 per month, and for an infant is $800? Luckily, CCMS takes care of that cost after it kicks in, but it took three weeks for it to kick in. K was in daycare one day before a fever took her back out of daycare. And who had to take time off work to care for her? Yup. Me.
Now, that isn't Mary's fault. It's just the way things are. But the stresses from all directions started to close in on me. I felt trapped in my own home - and I started to develop an additional feeling of anxiety at the thought of being home. Especially after the water leak situation developed, I no longer felt at ease or comfortable in our house, and I looked for reasons to work late or to otherwise stay away. Mary took this as me not wanting to be around her or the kids- which was not strictly the case. The water leak and subsequen opening up of the damaged walls and week of drying equipment meant we spent a week living with my grandmother. During this time I called Lisa, who I hadn't seen for a month, and said I really needed to talk.
I'd tried to tell Mary about my feelings of anxiety. I tried to tell her that I don't want to feel this way- and I realize I'm having some very irrational fears. But knowing the fears are irrational, and dispelling them are different things. Talking to Lisa helped quite a bit. She suggested, among other things, that I may want to try anti-anxiety medications. I told her thanks, but no thanks. I need to keep my head clear to take care of my family. I don't cotton to mood-altering drugs. It takes me a lot to just take OTC medications.
In any case, Mary takes my anxiety personally. She also takes it to mean I no longer want kids. This isn't what I'm thinking at all. What I want is to understand and alleviate my anxiety so that I can sleep well, and be the father these kids need. I don't want to feel like an alien in my own home. I don't want to have a sense of impending doom like I live in the Amityville house. I want to be calm, on an even keel, and drive on.
I thought some gaming would help, so I organized a small game to try to do something "old school" that would take me back to the carefree days of youth where weekends were weekends and we played stuff like Traveller, Star Frontiers, BECMI D&D, Marvel Superheroes, etc. We played Traveller. I started to fall asleep a coupla hours into the session. It made me miserable. I can't even GM reliably anymore. Ugh.
Mary has accused me of wanting to go back to our old lives, and I'd be lying if I said that wasn't an attractive option. I'd love to decrease my stress levels. The problem is I've fallen in love with these two children, and if they left my care I know I would worry about who was caring for them, where they were, and what more I could have done to care for them. My friends and some of my family think that Mary and I shouldn't have them just now, that there are issues that need to be squared away. I used to think these issues were all me, but those same family and friends are telling me that they believe Mary could use some counseling, and that a lot of our problems have to do with her preconcieved notions of life and parenthood. They tell me I'm doing too much, worrying too much, and I've had more than one person say they're concerned for my physical and mental help.
Well, here's the deal. I want to slow down. I want to de-stress. But now, I have these two beautiful children who are depending on me. Mary's salary won't come close to paying the bills. That burden falls on me - whose paycheck covers all our bills and a bit of gas & groceries. She can't take off work when they have appointments, visits, or are sick. I have to take care of that. House has issues? I deal with insurance and plumbers and contractors. These are things she can't wrap her head around. I'm trying to offload as much as I can so she can help take some of this off my shoulders, but there's just so much of it that for one reason or another she can't relieve me of.
K and Z need me to keep on keepin' on. And I know, several of you have reminded me that if I have a mental or physical breakdown I won't be doing anyone any good. That's true, and I'm mindful of it. But if I can't find any other way to slow down, I'm going to have to keep taking care of business - because somebody has to. I just pray that sometime in the near future, I can catch by breath, get my focus back, and have some fun for fun's sake. I want to be able to sleep at night without millions of worries plaguing my mind. I want to be able to relax and not constantly have my head in "general quarters" mode ready to jump up and react to potential kid problems. I want to feel like there's time to, oh, shower, without feeling guilty about having my eyes off the kids. I got a big dose of that guilt this morning before work. And I took a French Shower (thanks, Old Spice deoderant!) and got my ass to work.
So, I am not happy. My wife is unhappy that I am unhappy. Not so much because *I* am unhappy, but because she thinks I am unhappy due to the children. You see, having children was apparently the whole point of our getting married 12 years ago. So, if I'm not happy with the children then our marraige isn't worth a whole lot. Or so she tells me. So, if I can't handle this transition and something results in the removal of K and Z, then it's my fault, and our marriage is pretty much over.
Like I needed *that* on top of everything else.
Look, to whom it may concern, I have had over a month now to become bonded to these children. Yes, I kinda favor K, who favors me. She's very much a foster daddy's girl. She cuddles with my dirty shirts and it stops her from crying. (Little trick I learned from babycenter.com) I also love Z, even though he gets on my nerves with his temper issues and screaming. But that aside he's also a very smart, very helpful little boy. He brings me diapers and wipes when K needs changing. He brings us bottles when she wants to be fed. At heart, he's a good boy - he just needs guidance and love. And that's what I hope we can give him.
So I love them both. I also love my wife more than I think she realizes. It hurts me that I'm out of the equation most of the time. I feel like I'm the thing that's necessary to keep the finances rolling so she can be mommy. If I'm not actively engaged in something in direct support of the kids, I get the guilt complex. She tries to give me "my space" so I can relax, but she doesn't fathom that I simply cannot relax with my mind being the way it is right now. No amount of time or quiet is going to calm me, I fear. That's why I'm seeing a freaking councilor. I did not choose this. I do not *want* to be showing this kind of frailty, weakness, whatever you want to call it. It sucks, and I feel that I'm not hacking it as a husband or a father, and I wonder how my elders ever survived all of this.
That's what kills me. I know every dad who ever was worth the title has been where I am. Why, then, am I affected on such a profound level that I find myself losing the ability to function on a day-to-day basis? I'm fatigued, forgetful, irritable... I've had physical issues that I've been told are probably psychosomatic reactions to stress. Upset stomach, I've vomited a couple of times for no real reason, I wake up with my legs feeling like I've done a 20-mile ruck march and I haven't even taken a flight of stairs in the previous 24. All of these are telltale signs of stress and a poor reaction to it. If my dad, stepdad, grandfathers... if they all handled this crap without complaint, why can't I? Am I really this screwed up, weak or pathetic?
So no. Not happy right now. Not happy at all. I have moments of happiness, like when K is asleep on my chest and all seems right with the world for just that wonderful, warm, glowing minute. Then the world creeps back in and I'm seeing bills, and damage to our home, and things that need to be done, and a wife who's coming to resent that I have a harder time with all of this than she does. Life kinda sucks.
In other news, Traveller and Star Frontiers. If you made it this far in this post, you deserve my thanks for reading a rant I'm pretty sure only one person on the planet is actually going to read. I promise my next post won't be this heavy, and that I'll actually discuss some gaming stuff - specifically, CLASSIC gaming stuff from the 70s and 80s that I've been trying to read for recreation, when I can. Even that release is denied to me though fatigue and inability to focus. But I digress... I do have some fun stuff to talk about, and I'll try to post about it this week, since I'm out of school.
Take care, folks.
18 October 2011
Back to School, Gaming Thoughts...
Averaging less than a post a month is NOT a way to do a blog... Must motivate myself to do better.
So, I had a break after finishing my last semester, but I'm back in classes now taking Diplomacy and War II and Naval History. Thus far both have been really interesting reading. Now I know why Oliver Hazard Perry had a class of frigates named after him. Now I know what postmodernist theory is. Knowing is half the battle... Yo Joe!
Tonight we have a visit from our new Arrow adoption caseworker. Should be interesting to meet the new person on the block who holds our aspirations of parenthood in her hands. As much as I want to be a dad, the hoop-jumping and the waiting are starting to wear on me, a bit. Part of me feels like I've already helped raise so many other people's kids that I've done my bit. I've been working with teenagers for two decades now as a game master/mentor/sci-fi scoutmaster or however one would define the stuff I've been involved with since the mid-90s. I'd like to think a lot of the teens I've worked with have turned out fine. In fact, I know a lot of them have. Not all, but no parent/teacher/mentor is perfect.
So, speaking of working with kids - the 8th-grader D&D experience has been awesome. Three of the kids want to learn how to be Dungeon Masters. In fact, one of them borrowed my old Frank Mentzer Basic and Expert books to learn how to be a DM of old school D&D after I ran some old school as a pickup game. So far, we're adventuring in my 4e version of Mystara, investigating the odd occurrence of a pair of Owlbears venturing uncharacteristically close to settled lands. What is driving them out from the deep woods? The players are enjoying themselves, but sadly the only downside is that I can only run on my few and far between empty Saturdays. So we're only getting one game session this month. I am hoping that Dakota, Kiara and Christian become DMs in their own right, so the games can continue after I've imparted the basics of GM wisdom to help them get started.
I'm now trying to balance two MechWarrior games. The first, my primary hobby, is of course the Royal Dragoon Guards campaign. We've had our elections and the new leadership is ready to take Easy Company offworld to begin the next stage of the story. I think one of the issues I have is information overload - or should I say information archival overload. I can run the game, but we have so many wonderful tools to log what has happened and make it accessible to the players (Obsidian Portal, texmechs.org, the Yahoo list) that I don't have time to do all the post-game writeups and wiki entries. I really need to find a way to spread that workload out a little. But I am very encouraged by the last week's game session. Some good RP was done, and we got to zoom in on the House Minor of a couple of players who need more face time.
Speaking of face time, DAMN I could use a Co-GM for the Easy Company campaign. We're up around 12 players again, and I've got to work on my scene cuts, pacing, and making sure everyone has something to do in a given episode.
My second MechWarrior game is something of an issue. When we had our relationship drama blow up a while back, it resulted in this uncomfortable rift. One of the players who was really a driving force in the game left, and it caused some consternation with about half of the players who were left. They all wanted to keep gaming with him - so I've entertained the idea of running a separate campaign. The problem is it's caused a lot of opposition from other members of the RDG - concerns about "splitting the camp", and keeping the drama alive.
For the record. My intention is NOT to keep any drama alive. My intention is to actually minimize the drama by giving people who want to continue gaming with Hunter Dencourt a chance to do so. My intention is not to split the camp - nobody is leaving the RDG to move to the other campaign. In my perfect world, all this crap would get worked out like adults between the three parties principle to the issue, and we'd all get back to gaming somehow. You don't have to like everyone in the party, you just have to get along with them well enough for the good of the group. I'm having a very hard time finding the time on my schedule with school, work, and stuff I'm already committed to in order to run this second MechWarrior game. To make matters worse, when I inquired about altering my Friday night arrangements to allow for this game, the GM of that game dug his feet in and said he wasn't going to willingly move or give up Fridays for the benefit of this other group, since it only exists due to the relationship drama. Being caught in the middle of all this stuff is really cheezing me off. I just wanna roll dice with my friends...
So this second game has ballooned to NINE players. Five of which are current members of Easy Company who want to also play in a game with Hunter Dencourt in it. Like I said, this would all be so much easier if we could just be one big happy group again, but at this point I'm so frustrated with both sides of the relationship drama I dispair of ever sealing that particular breach.
For the second campaign, we're using MechWarrior Second Edition for old time's sake. Now, I really REALLY want to run a MW 1e game using just the 1e book, the original Merc Handbook, and TROs 3025 and 3026. REAL old-school BTech. But for this game, we're doing MW2e for more character flexibility. This brings me to one of the things I've always hated about MechWarrior 2e - and that's the skill math.
So, your Attributes range from 1 to 6 for normal humans, with 3 being average. Your skills are figured by subtracting the skill level from a Characteristic, which is figured by subtracting two of the Attributes from 18. So let's look at a couple of possibilities for this.
Average Dude = All Attributes 3. So all Characteristics for this average Joe will be 12 (18-(3+3))
Looking at the University and Academy packages, we can see that a level 2 skill is pretty darn respectable, and a level 3 skill is attainable only at the "advanced" levels of college education. So let's say we're looking at someone with a level 2 skill, college bachelor's degree level.
So Average Joe has a Special Interest/Cooking of 2. This is like going to culinary school and getting a degree or certificate according to the benchmarks set by the academy packages. So our friend Joe is rolling 10+ to succeed with his SI/Cooking skill when attempting to make an average meal. That's a roughly 17% chance of success. Even if we give him the advanced degree skill level of 3, that's still a 9+ or 28%, meaning that only one meal in three is going to be acceptable unless you're using the 'easy task modifier' and assuming he's cooking beneath his training.
All right, let's look at an example more meaningful to most MechWarrior players. The Pilot/BattleMech and Gunnery/BattleMech skills. The Basic Academy Package gives you skills at 2, and the Advanced at 3. So, let's look at three different MechWarrior folks.
MechWarrior Smith (REF and ITN 3)
MechWarrior Jones (REF and ITN 4/5)
MechWarrior Allard (REF and ITN 6/6)
So, what we have above are three prospective MechWarriors. One has average stats. The other is pretty noticably above average. The third is at the peak of human ability, unless one counts the Exceptional Attribute trait. So, let's send these three to Basic Academy and assume they assign their level 2 skills to Pilot/Gunner. What do we get?
Smith comes out of the Academy needing 10+ to succeed at Piloting or Gunnery. Bear in mind that a Green MechWarrior is looking for 6+ on Pilot and 5+ on gunner. Jones needs 7+. So even our trainee who is faster and more intuitive than average is behind the curve of "Green". So what about Allard? Our maxed out MechWarrior needs 4+/4+. So, this would be considered a Veteran pilot at Regular gunner.
So, at the top end, the math works. But at the bottom end, it makes rolls quite difficult. So how do we fix this?
I propose to change the Characteristic math. Right now the formula is 18-(Att+Att). So, subtract both Attributes from 18. This means that someone with average attributes is rolling for 11+ with a level 1 skill. Someone with 4s is rolling for 9+, 5s for 7+. Now, for a normal skill roll, 7+ is a 58% chance of success - but when referring to Battletech combat skills, 7+ is abysmal.
So what if we tried the formula 12-((Att+Att)/2)), or 12- the average of the two Attributes. So now the Characteristic targets change to 9+ for Mr. Average, 8+ for above average, and 6+ for maxed out. This keeps the number for the top end the same as it was before, but improves the chances for those with less than stellar attributes. In this case our average Joe the cook with his level 2 Special Interest/Cook skill would have a 7+ skill roll for his Culinary Arts Degree, not a 10+.
Now, one of the only issues that may be found with this is that by using an average and rounding down, the ability to get a 7 through Exceptional Attribute isn't as strong and may not be worth the Advantage points. To that, I say that Exceptional Attribute should allow an exception to the round down rule, and Characteristics calculated with an Exceptional Attribute be rounded UP rather than down. This would have the advantage also of allowing someone with an Exceptional Attribute Advantage to get something out of it without spending the Attribute points at character creation. They could "grow into" the 7 rating over time, but still have some kind of natural edge representing their inborn talent.
So... that's Life, School, Adoption, Drama, and MechWarrior for now...
So, I had a break after finishing my last semester, but I'm back in classes now taking Diplomacy and War II and Naval History. Thus far both have been really interesting reading. Now I know why Oliver Hazard Perry had a class of frigates named after him. Now I know what postmodernist theory is. Knowing is half the battle... Yo Joe!
Tonight we have a visit from our new Arrow adoption caseworker. Should be interesting to meet the new person on the block who holds our aspirations of parenthood in her hands. As much as I want to be a dad, the hoop-jumping and the waiting are starting to wear on me, a bit. Part of me feels like I've already helped raise so many other people's kids that I've done my bit. I've been working with teenagers for two decades now as a game master/mentor/sci-fi scoutmaster or however one would define the stuff I've been involved with since the mid-90s. I'd like to think a lot of the teens I've worked with have turned out fine. In fact, I know a lot of them have. Not all, but no parent/teacher/mentor is perfect.
So, speaking of working with kids - the 8th-grader D&D experience has been awesome. Three of the kids want to learn how to be Dungeon Masters. In fact, one of them borrowed my old Frank Mentzer Basic and Expert books to learn how to be a DM of old school D&D after I ran some old school as a pickup game. So far, we're adventuring in my 4e version of Mystara, investigating the odd occurrence of a pair of Owlbears venturing uncharacteristically close to settled lands. What is driving them out from the deep woods? The players are enjoying themselves, but sadly the only downside is that I can only run on my few and far between empty Saturdays. So we're only getting one game session this month. I am hoping that Dakota, Kiara and Christian become DMs in their own right, so the games can continue after I've imparted the basics of GM wisdom to help them get started.
I'm now trying to balance two MechWarrior games. The first, my primary hobby, is of course the Royal Dragoon Guards campaign. We've had our elections and the new leadership is ready to take Easy Company offworld to begin the next stage of the story. I think one of the issues I have is information overload - or should I say information archival overload. I can run the game, but we have so many wonderful tools to log what has happened and make it accessible to the players (Obsidian Portal, texmechs.org, the Yahoo list) that I don't have time to do all the post-game writeups and wiki entries. I really need to find a way to spread that workload out a little. But I am very encouraged by the last week's game session. Some good RP was done, and we got to zoom in on the House Minor of a couple of players who need more face time.
Speaking of face time, DAMN I could use a Co-GM for the Easy Company campaign. We're up around 12 players again, and I've got to work on my scene cuts, pacing, and making sure everyone has something to do in a given episode.
My second MechWarrior game is something of an issue. When we had our relationship drama blow up a while back, it resulted in this uncomfortable rift. One of the players who was really a driving force in the game left, and it caused some consternation with about half of the players who were left. They all wanted to keep gaming with him - so I've entertained the idea of running a separate campaign. The problem is it's caused a lot of opposition from other members of the RDG - concerns about "splitting the camp", and keeping the drama alive.
For the record. My intention is NOT to keep any drama alive. My intention is to actually minimize the drama by giving people who want to continue gaming with Hunter Dencourt a chance to do so. My intention is not to split the camp - nobody is leaving the RDG to move to the other campaign. In my perfect world, all this crap would get worked out like adults between the three parties principle to the issue, and we'd all get back to gaming somehow. You don't have to like everyone in the party, you just have to get along with them well enough for the good of the group. I'm having a very hard time finding the time on my schedule with school, work, and stuff I'm already committed to in order to run this second MechWarrior game. To make matters worse, when I inquired about altering my Friday night arrangements to allow for this game, the GM of that game dug his feet in and said he wasn't going to willingly move or give up Fridays for the benefit of this other group, since it only exists due to the relationship drama. Being caught in the middle of all this stuff is really cheezing me off. I just wanna roll dice with my friends...
So this second game has ballooned to NINE players. Five of which are current members of Easy Company who want to also play in a game with Hunter Dencourt in it. Like I said, this would all be so much easier if we could just be one big happy group again, but at this point I'm so frustrated with both sides of the relationship drama I dispair of ever sealing that particular breach.
For the second campaign, we're using MechWarrior Second Edition for old time's sake. Now, I really REALLY want to run a MW 1e game using just the 1e book, the original Merc Handbook, and TROs 3025 and 3026. REAL old-school BTech. But for this game, we're doing MW2e for more character flexibility. This brings me to one of the things I've always hated about MechWarrior 2e - and that's the skill math.
So, your Attributes range from 1 to 6 for normal humans, with 3 being average. Your skills are figured by subtracting the skill level from a Characteristic, which is figured by subtracting two of the Attributes from 18. So let's look at a couple of possibilities for this.
Average Dude = All Attributes 3. So all Characteristics for this average Joe will be 12 (18-(3+3))
Looking at the University and Academy packages, we can see that a level 2 skill is pretty darn respectable, and a level 3 skill is attainable only at the "advanced" levels of college education. So let's say we're looking at someone with a level 2 skill, college bachelor's degree level.
So Average Joe has a Special Interest/Cooking of 2. This is like going to culinary school and getting a degree or certificate according to the benchmarks set by the academy packages. So our friend Joe is rolling 10+ to succeed with his SI/Cooking skill when attempting to make an average meal. That's a roughly 17% chance of success. Even if we give him the advanced degree skill level of 3, that's still a 9+ or 28%, meaning that only one meal in three is going to be acceptable unless you're using the 'easy task modifier' and assuming he's cooking beneath his training.
All right, let's look at an example more meaningful to most MechWarrior players. The Pilot/BattleMech and Gunnery/BattleMech skills. The Basic Academy Package gives you skills at 2, and the Advanced at 3. So, let's look at three different MechWarrior folks.
MechWarrior Smith (REF and ITN 3)
MechWarrior Jones (REF and ITN 4/5)
MechWarrior Allard (REF and ITN 6/6)
So, what we have above are three prospective MechWarriors. One has average stats. The other is pretty noticably above average. The third is at the peak of human ability, unless one counts the Exceptional Attribute trait. So, let's send these three to Basic Academy and assume they assign their level 2 skills to Pilot/Gunner. What do we get?
Smith comes out of the Academy needing 10+ to succeed at Piloting or Gunnery. Bear in mind that a Green MechWarrior is looking for 6+ on Pilot and 5+ on gunner. Jones needs 7+. So even our trainee who is faster and more intuitive than average is behind the curve of "Green". So what about Allard? Our maxed out MechWarrior needs 4+/4+. So, this would be considered a Veteran pilot at Regular gunner.
So, at the top end, the math works. But at the bottom end, it makes rolls quite difficult. So how do we fix this?
I propose to change the Characteristic math. Right now the formula is 18-(Att+Att). So, subtract both Attributes from 18. This means that someone with average attributes is rolling for 11+ with a level 1 skill. Someone with 4s is rolling for 9+, 5s for 7+. Now, for a normal skill roll, 7+ is a 58% chance of success - but when referring to Battletech combat skills, 7+ is abysmal.
So what if we tried the formula 12-((Att+Att)/2)), or 12- the average of the two Attributes. So now the Characteristic targets change to 9+ for Mr. Average, 8+ for above average, and 6+ for maxed out. This keeps the number for the top end the same as it was before, but improves the chances for those with less than stellar attributes. In this case our average Joe the cook with his level 2 Special Interest/Cook skill would have a 7+ skill roll for his Culinary Arts Degree, not a 10+.
Now, one of the only issues that may be found with this is that by using an average and rounding down, the ability to get a 7 through Exceptional Attribute isn't as strong and may not be worth the Advantage points. To that, I say that Exceptional Attribute should allow an exception to the round down rule, and Characteristics calculated with an Exceptional Attribute be rounded UP rather than down. This would have the advantage also of allowing someone with an Exceptional Attribute Advantage to get something out of it without spending the Attribute points at character creation. They could "grow into" the 7 rating over time, but still have some kind of natural edge representing their inborn talent.
So... that's Life, School, Adoption, Drama, and MechWarrior for now...
24 August 2011
When someone asks you if you're a DM you say "YES!"
I was approached at Rogue's Gallery during my D&D Encounters session and asked "Are you a Dungon Master?" Well, as a very wise ghostbuster once advised me to do, I said "Yes!" The gentleman then asked me if I would run a D&D game for his son's birthday, since he REALLY wanted a D&D birthday and had only played Encounters once or twice. I thought about it and said I'd do it. Kinda sounded like fun. It turns out I'd have a group of players only two of whom had actually played before, and both of them only experience at D&D Encounters. Time to break in the newbies! Below is my report on how the game went, plus a little foster care status info.
So the birthday party was a smashing success. I had seven 7th Graders and one dad playing. Mom sat on the couch, drank a glass of wine or two, and watched us all play. Of the kids at the table, only the birthday boy, Dakota, and his dad had ever played before- but that was an organized play event at a Rogue’s Gallery (our Friendly Local Game Store), and organized play events tend toward lots of fighting and very little roleplay. Two of the kids, Jacob and Kiara (the only girl there) were pretty skeptical about this strange diversion, in fact Kiara was downright dismissive of it and Jacob tuned into his iPod and decided he wasn’t going to play. So we began our adventure in a tavern (where all good adventures begin) with our heroes given a chance to establish themselves by interacting with the barman and his Halfling waiter. Now, the birthday boy was having a grand time being domineering over his friends, by assigning them the characters HE thought they should play and even forcing them to use the names he had made up for them. Kiara immediately rebelled by renaming her Elven Ranger “Bob”, much to Dakota’s dismay.
Suddenly – Goblins attack the town! The heroes of course rise to the occasion of defending the tavern and its customers, spells fly, swords clash, the ranger gets on top of a table and fires her bow into the fray. The hulking Dragonborn paladin blocks the door with himself (played by a cute little guy named Rushi) and the dad, John, playing a thief goes out the back door to circle around the goblins. Dakota, playing a wizard, duels the goblin’s hexer as he spouts off game statistics for the goblins in an attempt to sound authoritative to his friends who at this point are so caught up in the playing of the game and the battle of the tavern that they could care less that he’s memorized the Monster Vault. They wanna see goblin heads roll!
When the smoke clears, the goblins are all dispatched save the hexer, who had the good sense to run away, but not before shaking his fist and declaring that the White Claw would see vengeance done! The characters had time to rest, and I gave the players a post-battle restroom and snack break while I got my notes set up for the rest of the game. The kids immediately headed for the Xbox to play 4-person HALO save a couple, who wanted to ask me about game rules, and dice, and other details. Jacob decided he wanted to play after all, because this looked like a lot of fun- so he became a half-orc Assassin. He didn’t like the name Dakota had made up for him, either, so he became Alucard. Oh, well- so it’s not original, it’s the kid’s first game.
The first Xbox break turns out to be the last, as the kids become enthralled in the story. An old sage who lives in the town explains that the White Claw is the name of a Dragon who is attempting to stake his claim to this territory, and the goblins are the dragon’s servants. He offers the adventurers 100 gold each if they will hunt this young dragon and defeat it before it becomes larger and more powerful. The kids, having no idea what 100 gold is worth one way or the other, immediately demand more money and one even demands a town of their own. The old sage patiently explains that he has no more money, and certainly no town to give them, but he can give them his staff. The three spellcasters in the group, the Wizard, the Druid and the Illusionist, immediately begin arguing over who gets the magic wizard’s staff. One of the players, Dylan I think his name was, politely tells his friends to shut the heck up because we need to know what happens next. Once it’s decided the birthday boy gets the wizard staff (of course) the party is back on track. The old sage says to defeat the dragon will be no small task, and perhaps they will find a weapon to help them in their quest in the tomb of the famous warrior Rogahn (this name and plot point is cribbed directly from the 1978 module “In Search of The Unknown”)
Off the brave adventurers go, to find the tomb of Rogahn. The old sage told them the long-lost tomb had been uncovered by a recent landslide, but when they arrive, they find a curiously excavated graveyard that looks like it had never been buried at all. The headstones are standing, there’s even a mausoleum that looks untouched by time. Around the site are the sheer, almost smooth cliffs showing where the rest of the area had been buried, but this whole graveyard just seems to be – there. Surely nothing sinister could be at work here… Sure enough, zombies rise from the crypts and attack. Along with some skeletons for good measure. Skeletons always make me think of old Ray Harryhausen Sinbad movies, and I actually did a bit of the Thriller dance when describing the zombies. You kinda have to. It’s at this point I notice I’ve got the full and complete rapt attention of everyone, including Mom and Dad. Everyone wants to know what happens next. The group swings into action, and with a kind of unrehearsed team coordination I’ve never seen in a group of new players before (thanks probably goes to World of Warcraft) the kids (and dad!) engage the vile undead foes. Kiara, once skeptical of D&D being any fun at all, immediately has her ranger scramble up a tree and begin laying down covering fire with her bow. The Druid has his wolf animal companion run interference while he whacks the zombies with the magic staff he’s talked Dakota out of temporarily. The thief (dad) manages to backstab some of the zombies who are otherwise occupied, and in the thick of it all the smallest of the players physically – Rushi and Jacob – are being mighty warriors as the Dragonborn Paladin and the Half-Orc Assassin. When the battle ends, the intrepid adventurers explore the mausoleum, finding the crypt of Rogahn covered with a marble sarcophagus lid carved into an image of the once-great warrior in repose and in the hands of the statue - Rogahn’s Axe! When the characters move to take it, a booming voice demands to know who they are and why they’ve disturbed his rest. They explain that they are seeking to end the depradations of the dragon, and that they are trying to save the town. The voice tells them to take the axe with its blessing and defeat the dragon. The players are relieved that after skeletons and zombies they don’t have to fight a ghost, or worse.
Travelling to the icy lair of the dragon in the nearby mountains, the adventurers fail to escape detection upon entering the dragon’s lair – but the dragon is unafraid. It tells them it has sent all its guards away (totally lying) and that if they can choose the safe path to its lair they can foolishly walk right in and face him. They look at the map and debate on which way is the “safe” passage. The kids guess, correctly, that the passage that looks most ideal for an ambush is indeed the safe path, with the relatively benign-looking room being a deathtrap. They choose the safe path, and enter the dragon’s lair. The dragon is waiting for them, with four goblin guards! The battle is joined and the adventurers split into two groups, the spellcasters and the ranger and theif in one, and the warriors in the other. In another uncanny show of teamwork (and D&D rules that didn’t exist when I was in 7th grade three editions ago) the spellcasters and the ranger create the perfect dragon trap, pinning the beast between an illusionary chasm and a fountain of fire while the ranger uses her ability to knock creatures prone with a well-placed arrow to deny the dragon escape. While they have the creature bottled up, the warriors bravely (foolishly?) rush in, facing its icy breath, and begin to attack. Between deft control of the battlefield by the illusionist, wizard and ranger and the foolhardy charge of the battered and bloodied paladin, druid and fighter the dragon is on the ropes. Kiara looks over my dungeon master screen (kinda cheating) and exclaims “It’s only got one hit point left!” The race is on to land the last blow on the dragon. Rushi misses. Jacob swings and misses. Dad swings and misses. Now the druid sends his wolf to do his dirty work and… HIT! The wolf bites the dragon for the last bit of damage and the mighty beast goes down. Cheers erupt from some of the kids, groans from the warriors who feel outdone by a cute little doggie. Even mom is kinda excited at this point, having watched the story unfold. Kiara asks me where she can write down her ranger’s history and details. I squee internally. A new gamer girl is born. In fact, a table of new gamers has real potential here.
It’s now 10:30PM, six hours after we started. The kids are ready for more. I told them that’s the end of the story – this time. They ask if we can play again. I tell them I’d be happy to find the time if I can, and this time everyone can decide for themselves what kind of adventurer they want to play. General excitement. We cut the cake (a replica of the cake from the Xbox game Portal, this is where I note the Xbox hasn’t been touched since the first restroom break) and sing “Still Alive” from Portal in lieu of “Happy Birthday.” And I thought I loved video games when I was a kid. Dylan proclaims Dungeons and Dragons the best game ever. I tell him that’s why I’ve been playing since 1985. These kids were born around ’98 or ’99. Mom and Dad tell me I must have the patience of Job to put up with all the hootnanny, and I tell them it took me back to my mom’s kitchen table circa 1987, and it was a sheer pleasure. The only difference was not quite as many Def Leppard fans. Kiara corrects me by queuing up some Def Leppard on her iPod, which starts a conversation about how 80% of what the kids have on their iPods is 70s and 80s rock that I grew up listening to. I approve mightily. Dad tips me (a totally unnecessary $50, which I use to buy Mary and I a mixer that she’s been eyeing. Okay, the mixer was more than $50, but every bit helps) and I wonder to myself if there’s money to be made doing professional Dungeon Mastering at birthdays, weddings, bar mitzvahs… Nah. I head home content in a job well done…
On the Foster Parenting front. Mary and I have been licensed by TX for almost two months, still no placements. We have had an “almost” placement of a little girl who the state required be in the care of the foster parents most of the time – IE, court stipulated a stay-at-home mom or dad, no daycare. Since we couldn’t do that, we had to pass. They understood, in fact they knew we both worked but wanted to ask anyway. We are doing some babysitting/respite care for other foster families in September, and continuing to wait. This Saturday we renew our CPR training.
27 June 2011
Another month, another blog.
I really hate the amount of time that seems to go by between these blog entries.
I've just finished another semester at AMU. Another A, and another A or B+, depending on how Professor Fliegelman decides to finish up. All in all, I'm pretty pleased - although a pair of As will make me VERY pleased.
No word yet on the Foster Care license. We're coming up on six weeks, so the four-to-six figure our agent gave us is almost up. We'll see what happens - I am excited and cautious at the same time. I realized one of my friends from High School has a son who's a junior at the school we graduated from. Really drives home that Mary and I are starting late.
Speaking of which, my birthday just passed- 25 JUN. My old scouting/JROTC buddy Jimmy Navarro reminded me that if we were in Logan's Run, I'd be running right now. Thanks for pointing that out, man. I'm now a year away from my "late" 30s and find it kinda depressing that I have not reached parenthood or college graduation yet.
On the bright side, I won a WoTC writing contest. I know, pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of life, but it made me feel good. The prize was a copy of the Shadowfell boxed set and a display box of the Encounter Cards. Pretty nice haul for 200 words. Of course, I had a very difficult time trimming my entry to 200 words. I was told 200 words was an opening sentence for me. You know, that's not far from the truth with my writing style.
You know, I was going to write some more about gaming... but contemplating age and lack of real accomplishment has kinda soured it for me...
I've just finished another semester at AMU. Another A, and another A or B+, depending on how Professor Fliegelman decides to finish up. All in all, I'm pretty pleased - although a pair of As will make me VERY pleased.
No word yet on the Foster Care license. We're coming up on six weeks, so the four-to-six figure our agent gave us is almost up. We'll see what happens - I am excited and cautious at the same time. I realized one of my friends from High School has a son who's a junior at the school we graduated from. Really drives home that Mary and I are starting late.
Speaking of which, my birthday just passed- 25 JUN. My old scouting/JROTC buddy Jimmy Navarro reminded me that if we were in Logan's Run, I'd be running right now. Thanks for pointing that out, man. I'm now a year away from my "late" 30s and find it kinda depressing that I have not reached parenthood or college graduation yet.
On the bright side, I won a WoTC writing contest. I know, pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of life, but it made me feel good. The prize was a copy of the Shadowfell boxed set and a display box of the Encounter Cards. Pretty nice haul for 200 words. Of course, I had a very difficult time trimming my entry to 200 words. I was told 200 words was an opening sentence for me. You know, that's not far from the truth with my writing style.
You know, I was going to write some more about gaming... but contemplating age and lack of real accomplishment has kinda soured it for me...
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