17 July 2013
What is best in life?
This is sort of a gaming post, and sort of a life post. See, for me, one has a lot to do with the other. I have recently come to the conclusion that everyone I've talked to over the last two to three years has been correct where I've been telling them they're way off-base. People have been telling me that the amount of stuff on my proverbial plate is bordering on insane, and that I need to slow down. Feh, says I, that's talk for the lazy and the uncommitted. Only folks with no drive or ambition or passion talk that way. I can handle this load - and more - if necessary and I'm a better man for it.
Well, maybe not. I've maintained a pace for a long time that I didn't give a second thought to. My ever-enduring wife pointed out to me last night that in a given calendar month, I've got maybe two days that aren't already committed to something. Now, some of those things are my familial responsiblities. I make sure I make time for my kids. I'm no longer the new dad who's scared to death of being left alone with the kids. I love spending time with Zane and Kaylee - we have a blast. Being a dad is, without exaggeration, the most amazing thing I've accomplished in my life. So add to that my 40-hour-a-week job as a senior computer technician. Then my duties as a soldier in the Texas State Guard. Then add my graduate studies, I am enrolled full-time in my MA program. Now, to ice this cake, there's the time I spend in recreation which is - you guessed it - pre-planned and on the calendar. Oh, plus every two weeks I get to see my therapist.
It's only recently that I've come to admit to myself that I've got a lot of stuff going on. A LOT of stuff. Like, to the point that I really don't have much time to call my own. The obvious answer is to cut out the hobbies - two Saturdays a month, plus Wednesday nights. Problem is, these times are what keep me sane. I no longer watch TV, not because I disdain the medium or think there isn't anything to watch- but because I always know I have something more important to do. If something is on TV it's because Zane or Kaylee or Mary wants to watch it. When was the last time I sat down to a classic SNL episode? Or Night Court? Or Cheers? The things that help me calm down and center? I really can't remember. Now, I did recently watch the first two seasons of A Game of Thrones with Mary over the course of a few weeks - we'd watch an episode or two after the kids went to sleep. I can't believe I've missed out on that show as much as I have. But every time I sit down, I always tell myself there's coursework or bills or FEMA exams that I have to do and never really relax.
Even my hobbies have work. We've built an amazing wargaming club. I mean amazing. The RDG is something I'm very proud of - but the amount of work and emotional investment that goes into it is not inconsequential. Some of it is just frustrating. All our members are adults - well, most of them. We do have some 16-17 year olds. We put out our meetings in email, Facebook and text messages. We still have people who can't be bothered to know when meetings are. Then we have folks that saunter in thirty minutes to an hour late. It's FRUSTRATING. What's worse is folks who KNOW we only meet for 1.5 hours before we go on lunch break - and they're late because the STOPPED FOR FOOD. Seriously, 1030 is not too early to ask friggin adults to be up, dressed, fed, and at the meeting.
Why am I rabid about this? Because I devote quite a bit of time to making it happen. Bobby, Trenton and I give up two Monday nights a month to plan to the two Saturdays a month. It's frustrating when, like this past weekend, we plan out games that we don't have the attendance to run. With Facebook, GroupSpaces and the friggin phone one would think responsible adults could be counted on to RSVP by at least the Wednesday preceding each meeting. My time is precious to me - and I don't mind giving some of it to plan the events that make my friends happy and increase our group's fun time. I mean, one of the things that I've identified that makes me happiest is running a good game, so this should be all good. Problem is, either the players don't care enough or aren't mature enough or don't respect me, Bobby and Trenton's work enough to care to RSVP, show up on time, or show up at all.
THAT. SUCKS. I mean it really, really sucks. These are my friends. Some of them are the closest friends I have. We game together, we consider each other family, some of us soldier together. I'm talking about godparents to my kids. Young adults who were like kids to Mary and I as they grew up. GOOD friends. Every time I get "Oh, I guess I didn't see the 167 messages about the meeting" or "I got drunk and overslept" or have someone sauntering in with a McDonald's bag fifteen friggin minutes before lunch break... It's like my good friends are winding up and giving me a huge, John Bigboote finger. It pisses me off, makes me wonder if they know how much work goes into running the club, planning the games, etc. and if they even respect the work their elected club staff does to keep the game going.
This is kinda like my duties in the Guard. I've been given the responsibility to publish the battalion's quarterly newsletter. I've asked my fellow soldiers for photos, submissions, etc. I've gotten precisely one article. From a soldier who's leaving the battalion. AARRGGH.
What is best in life? I quote Conan because last night my therapist asked me to close my eyes and tell her what makes me feel calm, restful. Only two things came to mind. Playing with my kids, and gaming. Specifically, sitting in my game room, at the head of my big, battered heirloom table and running a game for fun with a small group of close friends.
What bothers me about that is that when I closed my eyes and thought about calm, I didn't think of sex, or soldiering, or video games, or the Royal Dragoons, or any of the things that I would have thought would be up there in the top ten list of stuff that calms me down and makes me feel relaxed. I immediately thought of playing with Zane and Kaylee, spending time with them just... playing. Zane's "I didn't do it" smile, Kaylee's bright eyes and Eskimo kisses. Gets me right there.
Gaming. And by this I'm specifically not referring to the type of gaming I've been doing for almost two decades now. Mass-gaming. Entertain the club gaming. Entertain many players gaming. Huge groups, double-digits of players. Entertain my friends. I'm telling you, what sends me to my happy place is sitting around the table in my house with close friends running games I love. Red Box D&D. Robotech. Marvel FASERIP. Maybe have some snacks. Maybe music - on vinyl, perhaps. Just... game. Relax. Tell stories. Have a good time. RELAX.
So... I don't know what this means. I haven't slept well in weeks, despite a new sleep study and a new CPAP machine. My weight loss has continued to stall, even though I'm hitting the gym about 5 days a week. This might be because the extra PT has made it very difficult for me to stick to my 1,100 calorie a day diet. Of course, breaking my diet makes me feel guilty, and further stressed. Which makes me screw up and break diet further. It's a cycle. I'm tired, I'm demoralized. Things I used to love no longer really hold joy for me. It kinda sucks. A lot.
At the moment I write this, I'm going through the motions. I exercise and diet so that I can soldier. I soldier because I have always wanted to soldier. Why do I want to soldier? Right now, at this moment, I'm not sure anymore. Just like I'm working on my MA because I have to. I can't NOT get my Master's. I must get it so that I can start teaching on the side and make some extra money. Our finances are only barely stable. I watch our savings dwindle. We get bills I have to fight or pay - like Medicaid refusing to pay for Kaylee's emergency room visit, or FedLoan Servicing telling me I need to start paying off my student loans now. This is, of course, after my employer decided they won't do tuition reimbursement this year since there's not enough money in the fund to make good on it. Now the car needs tires, and that's gonna run half a grand.
Sorry, everybody. I just needed to vent. I'm tired. I'm tired of not sleeping, I'm tired of dieting and exercising and not having it get me anywhere. I'm tired of giving my time and effort when other folks obviously don't care - be it my friends in the RDG or my fellow soldiers who can't be bothered to contribute to the newsletter nobody will probably read. Every waking moment is studying, working, working out... I get to play with the kids, then they go to bed and Mary wants to relax by watching TV and all I want to do is read, and sleep. Even sleep eludes me, after Lunesta, Ambien, Clonapin, Sonata and Rozarem. I fight to fall asleep, then I fight to stay asleep. It never happens. I wake up four or five times a night - usually ravenously hungry.
After I post this, I've gotta go to Medifast and get on the scale and have people look down their noses and tsk tsk me and see that I've either maintained or gained. Then I have to go to drill this weekend and embarrass myself at PT.
I need a vacation.
08 July 2013
Funky Dice Mechanics - My Initial Thoughts on Star Wars : Edge of The Empire
This is far from my first Star Wars RPG. My all-time favorite iteration of Star Wars has been, and at this time remains, the first edition of Star Wars D6 from West End Games. I still find it the perfect gateway drug to get new folks into gaming - the system is quick and intuitive, the Star Wars Universe is pretty well known even to folks who are not game geeks, and the feel of the first edition material is spot-on to where I want my Star Wars to be. From the graphic design to the in-universe advertisements to the plethora of ready-to-play character archetypes D6 is my go-to Star Wars game. I was lukewarm on Star Wars D20, and D20 revised. They were OK, but not quite what I was looking for. Saga Edition was pretty sleek, but still had some issues my group had trouble dealing with - the level-based scaling being quite a bit of it.
So here we are giving the final print version of Edge of the Empire a spin. The book is beautiful - the illustrations are all in a wonderful full-color style that can't help but put the line art of the D6 later editions or the cartoonish art of the D20 editions to shame. There's even a few pictures that are either Ralph McQuarrie originals or re-imaginings of them. I nearly squee'd when I saw the early concept for the Millennium Falcon, the one that looks more like the Rebel Blockade Runner, sitting in a bay waiting for adventure.
This game is class-based, but not level-based. Sure their are tiers of abilities that must be purchased in a tree, like Feats in D20, but there's no strict "leveling" aside from the accrual and expenditure of Experience Points. XP are the currency with which characters are created and improved, and aside from the Characteristics - Ability Scores for us old grognards - everything is purchased the same way after character creation as it is during character creation. Now, this leads me to something I feel I need to point out, because our initial group missed it despite it being in bold letters on the page. Characteristics can not be bought with XP after character generation. They must be raised by taking a Talent that is all the way at the end of the talent tree, and appears only once on each tree. To really crank up a Characteristic after play begins, one must invest a LOT of XP to get to that level on the tree, and if one wants another point in characteristics, one must "multi-class" and choose another specialty and climb all the way to the end of THAT tree to get a second one. So... if you're creating a character, heed the advice that's in the bold sentence and think hard about spending most of your starting XP on Characteristics.
Here's where the funky die mechanics come in. So, to play EoTE without constantly referencing a table, you need their custom dice or the Star Wars Dice App from the Android or iOS app stores. To sum but the dice mechanics, there are no target numbers - only "bad" dice in the pool you roll. Your "good" dice come from three basic places. Your Characteristic gives you a base set of the green "ability" dice. So, if you have an average Characteristic of 2, you would have two of the green dice. Now, if you have a skill of one rank in whatever skill you are rolling, you "upgrade" one of those green dice to a yellow one. The yellow dice are twelve-sided as opposed to eight-sided, and have more positive results. The bad dice are determined by difficulty. Now there are situational dice, like boost dice or setback dice that can also be added. The whole pool is rolled, and the results are tallied.
On these custom dice are two axes of outcome. Successes and Failures are one, and Advantage and Threat are the other. It is possible to succeed, but have threat. It's also possible to fail but gain advantage, and every other outcome. Oh, there's also Triumph and Despair, but those are just extreme versions of the above better explained by the full rulebook.
+So... do I like this kind of system? It's hard to say after one marathon session. D6 is certainly quicker and more intuitive to most players, but by the end of our game even our most game-mechanic-impaired player was quickly grokking what was going on. We were using the rules for trading advantage to add boost dice to our own and each other's dice pools, and having a great time.
We have yet to do anything with starship combat or Force powers - Edge of the Empire is pretty focused on places like Tatooine and Ord Mantell and characters who are what have come to be called "fringers" - smugglers, hired guns, etc. There's not a lot of heavy duty military hardware, and very little that is useful to you if you want to run a campaign full of Jedi. This is by design - FFG is going to release two more corebooks, one focused on the Rebellion/Empire conflict and another on Force users. I will say the downplay on Force users is thematically appropriate to the time period the book is covering, as well as being reminiscent of the original D6 core rules for me- published to cover the same time period because in 1987 no other time periods had really been fleshed out.
My minor annoyances were on the amount of damage needed to get through the soak of opponent characters (DR, in D20 parlance) and do damage. It made light and standard blaster pistols kind of mediocre weapons. Our combats took a little too long. We'll see what happens if and when we pick this game up again.
May the Force be with all of you!
18 June 2013
Top Secret - Not Just A Val Kilmer Movie
I was once told I was not allowed to flash back to wars I was not in. To be fair, there was a UH-1 slick involved, there was Creedence blasting from the speakers, we may as well have been in a 'Nam movie. I bring this up because I am feeling increasingly nostalgic for a game I've never played. In fact, until recently, I never even owned it. I'm talking about TSR's Top Secret RPG.
Don't get me wrong - I played the ever-livin' crap out of Top Secret/S.I. back in high school. It still has one of my favorite game engines - simple, d100 skills, combat uses the ones die to determine hit location... It was pretty damn cool. I used it to do a M.A.S.K. game in the late '90s that was well received by the players. The first car I ever bought was an '86 Nissan Pulsar - and I was gratified to find the stats for that car in the Top Secret/S.I. equipment list. A great game that in my opinion is unappreciated.
What I'm talking about, though, predates the "S.I." part by about seven years. The original Top Secret RPG from 1980/81 was a single saddle-stapled volume like many other early TSR games. It came in a boxed set like many other TSR games. It dripped Golden Age awesome, like many other TSR games. While flipping through Top Secret I started seeing all the things that I loved about D&D, Star Frontiers, Gamma World and Gangbusters. Jim Holloway artwork, for one. Rules that were all over the place, but somehow kinda made sense. A class-level system for espionage. Spy missions that looked suspiciously like dungeon crawls.
I never once played the original or marginally cleaned up second edition of Top Secret. I wasn't even a gamer until two years before Top Secret would be replaced by S.I. Sure, I watched Cloak & Dagger with Dabney Coleman about a zillion times on HBO as a kid, so I was aware that espionage RPGs existed, but my first real dalliance with them was the Victory Games James Bond 007 RPG and GURPS Espionage. I still refer to both books regularly when I am in an espionage mood. Those and the Covert Operations Sourcebooks for Top Secret/S.I. (which are top-notch collections of actual Cold War events.)
So... if I've never played this game, why do I want to play it so badly? Why am I suddenly hyper-interested in this ancient game line that I never actually played back when it was new? When Top Secret was published I was 6 years old, and not yet a gamer. Perhaps I am fascinated by it for the same reason I am fascinated by so many other things - I am preoccupied with 19, 19, 1985. I miss the 80s. I miss the Cold War. I miss the world I grew up in.
I suppose this eventually happens to everyone who reaches a certain age. I remember rolling my eyes as the old folks insisted that Lawrence Welk represented the epitome of modern music. At the time I was listening to Huey Lewis and the News, Cyndi Lauper and The Cars. I remember listening to tales of America under FDR, and Truman and Ike. Just as those older folks pined for the America they grew up with, so too do I. At least I guess. I wish my kids could wake up on Saturday mornings and have the same experiences I did. Cereal, a pillow and PJs, and The Smurfs, The Real Ghostbusters, hell, even Star Wars : Droids. I have a lot of these shows on DVD. My son and I watch Thundarr together, and the D&D cartoon. My 2-yo daughter loves He-Man and She-Ra as much as her brother does. I guess it's the experience of being excited to see the next new episode - not having them on-demand to devour entire series in an afternoon. I dunno. Damn kids. Get off my lawn!
Is it normal to reach a certain age and feel something is just missing from the world? I look at all the technology that's been developed in my lifetime. My smart phone and tablet rarely leave my side. Just a few years ago a tablet was an expensive commodity, and now our family has three of them none of which we pad more than about $225 for.
With all of that, though, I still play Dungeons and Dragons with my friends. I can't wait to teach my kids how to play tabletop games. I still play Atari and NES with my little ones, as well. We watch old cartoons. I read them the books I was read as a kid - often the very same copies thanks to my mom and grandma. I watch Cheers, and Night Court, and SNL with Dana Carvey, Phil Hartman and John Lovitz.
So - is my sudden interest in Merle Rasmussen's roleplaying opus rooted in a nostalgia-by-association because it was published in my own sacred decade? Is it that leafing through Top Secret I can see the bones of the Golden Age of TSR - that it just "feels" like the games I grew up loving?
I dunno. I got nothin'. I have no idea why I suddenly want to devour these books and play this game. I just know that at the moment, everything Top Secret is fascinating to me...
Don't get me wrong - I played the ever-livin' crap out of Top Secret/S.I. back in high school. It still has one of my favorite game engines - simple, d100 skills, combat uses the ones die to determine hit location... It was pretty damn cool. I used it to do a M.A.S.K. game in the late '90s that was well received by the players. The first car I ever bought was an '86 Nissan Pulsar - and I was gratified to find the stats for that car in the Top Secret/S.I. equipment list. A great game that in my opinion is unappreciated.
What I'm talking about, though, predates the "S.I." part by about seven years. The original Top Secret RPG from 1980/81 was a single saddle-stapled volume like many other early TSR games. It came in a boxed set like many other TSR games. It dripped Golden Age awesome, like many other TSR games. While flipping through Top Secret I started seeing all the things that I loved about D&D, Star Frontiers, Gamma World and Gangbusters. Jim Holloway artwork, for one. Rules that were all over the place, but somehow kinda made sense. A class-level system for espionage. Spy missions that looked suspiciously like dungeon crawls.
I never once played the original or marginally cleaned up second edition of Top Secret. I wasn't even a gamer until two years before Top Secret would be replaced by S.I. Sure, I watched Cloak & Dagger with Dabney Coleman about a zillion times on HBO as a kid, so I was aware that espionage RPGs existed, but my first real dalliance with them was the Victory Games James Bond 007 RPG and GURPS Espionage. I still refer to both books regularly when I am in an espionage mood. Those and the Covert Operations Sourcebooks for Top Secret/S.I. (which are top-notch collections of actual Cold War events.)
So... if I've never played this game, why do I want to play it so badly? Why am I suddenly hyper-interested in this ancient game line that I never actually played back when it was new? When Top Secret was published I was 6 years old, and not yet a gamer. Perhaps I am fascinated by it for the same reason I am fascinated by so many other things - I am preoccupied with 19, 19, 1985. I miss the 80s. I miss the Cold War. I miss the world I grew up in.
I suppose this eventually happens to everyone who reaches a certain age. I remember rolling my eyes as the old folks insisted that Lawrence Welk represented the epitome of modern music. At the time I was listening to Huey Lewis and the News, Cyndi Lauper and The Cars. I remember listening to tales of America under FDR, and Truman and Ike. Just as those older folks pined for the America they grew up with, so too do I. At least I guess. I wish my kids could wake up on Saturday mornings and have the same experiences I did. Cereal, a pillow and PJs, and The Smurfs, The Real Ghostbusters, hell, even Star Wars : Droids. I have a lot of these shows on DVD. My son and I watch Thundarr together, and the D&D cartoon. My 2-yo daughter loves He-Man and She-Ra as much as her brother does. I guess it's the experience of being excited to see the next new episode - not having them on-demand to devour entire series in an afternoon. I dunno. Damn kids. Get off my lawn!
Is it normal to reach a certain age and feel something is just missing from the world? I look at all the technology that's been developed in my lifetime. My smart phone and tablet rarely leave my side. Just a few years ago a tablet was an expensive commodity, and now our family has three of them none of which we pad more than about $225 for.
With all of that, though, I still play Dungeons and Dragons with my friends. I can't wait to teach my kids how to play tabletop games. I still play Atari and NES with my little ones, as well. We watch old cartoons. I read them the books I was read as a kid - often the very same copies thanks to my mom and grandma. I watch Cheers, and Night Court, and SNL with Dana Carvey, Phil Hartman and John Lovitz.
So - is my sudden interest in Merle Rasmussen's roleplaying opus rooted in a nostalgia-by-association because it was published in my own sacred decade? Is it that leafing through Top Secret I can see the bones of the Golden Age of TSR - that it just "feels" like the games I grew up loving?
I dunno. I got nothin'. I have no idea why I suddenly want to devour these books and play this game. I just know that at the moment, everything Top Secret is fascinating to me...
31 May 2013
Adventures in Anaphylaxis.
I asked Grandma to look after Zane and I took Kaylee to the car and drove her to the urgent care facility two blocks from Grandma's house. They took one look at her already swelling lips and eyes and told me to take her to the ER immediately. So back into the car we went, and I ran a coupla lights and cursed more than a few other drivers rushing to get Kaylee to St. David's Round Rock. As we drove she was crying loudly most of the way, and it seemed every time I looked back at her she was more and more red and swollen. I reached back and held her hand - when the crying stopped, that's when I really started to worry. The memory of finding out my JROTC classmate David Antonie had died in college of severe anaphylactic shock kept playing over and over in my head. Smartest kid in the battalion, full ride to A&M... brought low by carrot cake. I rushed Kaylee into the ER and to be honest, their immediate action made me even more worried. I mean, I've seen people with bleeding wounds sit for hours in the waiting room and whoosh - they took Kaylee back without so much as asking if she had medical insurance. She was instantly surrounded by a doctor, three nurses and two techs. Epinephrine. Benadryl IV. Luckily, she never actually stopped breathing - but her eyes were nearly swollen shut at that point, and her lips looked like the wax candies we used to get as kids.
Dr. McCusky told me I could hold her to make her feel safer, and I did. I climbed into her bed and she fell right asleep on Daddy as the benadryl won out over the epi. We spent five hours in the ER watching her color slowly return to something less like a killer tomato. I'll admit it, folks, this is THE most scared I've ever been in my life. The thought that I might lose my little girl was earthshaking. Here it is five days later and it still sends chills down my back. The Doc told me this was a no-shit allergy and Kaylee would need to have an epi pen with us wherever we went. He quipped - not entirely kidding - that we should consider moving north where fire ants are much less prevalent. Here in Texas you can't go ten feet without finding an ant mound in a field or public park. It's like a poisonous, biting minefield. When Mary finally got my phone message and came up to the hospital, we swapped off for a bit so I could hit the restroom - but true to form Kaylee really, really wanted Daddy. Back into the bed I went until Kaylee was released.
The hospital staff was uniformly awesome. They spared no effort to make sure Kaylee was as comfortable as she could be, and one of the nurses (cute!) could tell how worried I was, and made sure to get my attention and tell me "You did good getting her here, Dad." When we got Kaylee home, we were able to see the actual bites once the major swelling had gone down. I counted FIFTY separate ant bites. All in under 20 seconds.
Ugh. I still shudder when I think about it. For Kaylee's part, she's bouncing back just fine. She's smiling and happy, snuggly and cheerful (when she's not acting like she's two) and generally an amazing little girl. She knows how do dial my friend Bobby on my cel phone. She can manupulate Netflix on the 360. She's smart as well as beautiful - and oh, yeah, she apparently kissed a boy at daycare two days ago. Now I have to find out who he is and make sure his intentions are honorable...
24 May 2013
Specialist Webb reporting, folks.
Well, I screwed up and missed an on-time post - but I have had good reason to be busy. On Friday, 17 May 2013, I was finally granted the honor of raising my right hand and swearing into the Texas State Guard as Specialist Webb. It's quite surreal, after resigning myself to never being able to serve in uniform, to finally have an actual military status. To be clear - the Texas Military Forces, as opposed to the federal military of the United States. I make this distinction because as a military force organized under title 32 of the US Code, the Texas State Guard is distinct from the US Army or US Army National Guard. While I am proud to be a soldier in the Texas State Guard, I readily acknowledge that my service is not the same as federal service - I will (most likely) not be deployed outside the CONUS to warm and friendly spots such as the ones my friends in federal service have been deployed to. That said, I'm now just as bound by the Texas Code of Military Justice as a federal soldier is by the UCMJ, and I can be prosecuted for the same things under the TCMJ that any other soldier would be held accountable for.
Why bring this up? There are those both in and out of uniform that look down on the Texas State Guard and State Defense Forces in general. They maintain that we are not "real" soldiers. Allow me a brief rebuttal - we are not, in and of ourselves, equivalent to active duty federal troops. This is evident in that we cannot afford to send our non-prior service troops to a 9-week recruit training followed by AIT (or OSUT) and we receive little or no weapons training in most cases. 99% of what we are expected to do consists of disaster response, shelter operations, food and water distribution and other "civil affairs" missions. We support National Guard troops at need, and often work with them - most especially our Air Wing.
So if we're not trained to go downrange and engage the enemy, what kind of soldiers are we? As you all know, I'm a student of military history. My first response to this question would be that we are soldiers in the greatest traditions of the United States. Citizen Soldiers. We hear that term quite a bit in certain circles, but to the jaded and the uninitiated alike it has lost its meaning over the years. What is a citizen soldier? What does that imply?
The average guardsman (or woman!) in my unit could be doing so many other things with their free time. Many of the officers and NCOs in my battalion are prior service. They've "done their bit for King and Country" and returned to civilian life. They have chosen to continue serving. We have law enforcement members, medical first responders, members of fire departments - all citizens who chose a life of service to their communities as a vocation, now serving further as a volunteer soldier. As a member of the Texas State Guard, each soldier is responsible for their own equipment, transportation to and from drills, and training time. We are not paid for monthly drills. The FEMA, Red Cross and other courses taken by members of the Guard are done on our own time away from drill. We only draw pay when deployed, or for part of the time during which we are at our Annual Training.
The sacrifice of time, money and commitment is directly analogous to the militia of the Colonies before our great nation became a nation. The rank of private comes from the term "private soldier" which at times in history denoted a soldier who served on the requirement that they provide their own equipment. These militia soldiers maintained their civilian lives in the full spectrum of occupations, reserving a portion of their time to train, drill and prepare for the day their services would be needed in a military capacity. These were not professional soldiers to the exclusion of all else - but they had a willingness to serve and make the necessary sacrifices that service required.
I may never be fired upon in the line of service. Indeed, I hope this is the case. Most people assume that it goes without saying that a member of the State Guard will never be in a combat situation. We are here to help our fellow Texans and others when floods, fires, hurricanes and other disasters occur. We train for those sort of events, and take great pride in the earning and wear of the Military Emergency Management Systems badge. That said, I know of more than one fellow guardsman who HAS been fired upon - sometimes during duty near the border, sometimes by looters and the like after a disaster.
The point is, as a cadre NCO who has earned my respect is fond of reminding is "Soldiering is inherently dangerous." I did not sign up with the Guard with the expectation that I would be toting an M4 in a combat zone. That is not our primary mission. I did sign up with an understanding - the understanding that taking the oath and putting on the uniform meant that should the need occur, I might well be placed in harm's way in the line of duty. The probability is that unlike one of my good friends who is in the US Army and has been fired upon, returned fire, and exposed to IEDs and all sorts of nastiness, I will never have to fire a shot in anger. That does not mean my service is guaranteed to be safe. We may not be facing the same kinds of threats, but each of us has to accept that the cautionary tale of the experienced Guard soliders might be us some day. We're not joining a civilian organization, and we must be aware of the possible ramifications of that decision.
You will not ever hear me saying that service in an SDF is equivalent to federal service. Those that choose soldiering as a vocation have my utmost respect and gratitude, and I am honored to share the uniform and traditions. At the same time I will defend vigorously the function and duties of my unit and my organization. We of the Texas State Guard have chosen to give our time and our money in the earnest desire to help our fellow Texans in time of need. We are, by legal definition, soldiers in the Texas Military Forces. Period. Does that mean we are the same kind of soldier the US Army sends overseas? No, but we are the kind of soldier who will be there when our community needs us - training as volunteers and procuring all the gear necessary to render aid. We are citizen soldiers in the grand traditions going back to the first colonial militias.
I have the fortune to serve with some incredible people. Soldiers who already served in Iraq, Afghanistan and many other places. Police, fire and EMTs looking for more ways in which to serve. Fresh-faced young college students looking to learn something about military life while continuing in their studies. One of the most amazing NCOs I've ever met is a former MP who is a real estate agent in civilian life. Another was a soldier in his native Norway before coming here, earning citizenship, and deciding to continue to serve his new country. It's incredible to watch this diverse group of citizen soldiers develop as a team in anticipation of the time when our communities will need us.
I look forward to serving in this way - the only way I can, thanks to my OSA.
So, Specialist Webb has reported. Hooah.
Why bring this up? There are those both in and out of uniform that look down on the Texas State Guard and State Defense Forces in general. They maintain that we are not "real" soldiers. Allow me a brief rebuttal - we are not, in and of ourselves, equivalent to active duty federal troops. This is evident in that we cannot afford to send our non-prior service troops to a 9-week recruit training followed by AIT (or OSUT) and we receive little or no weapons training in most cases. 99% of what we are expected to do consists of disaster response, shelter operations, food and water distribution and other "civil affairs" missions. We support National Guard troops at need, and often work with them - most especially our Air Wing.
So if we're not trained to go downrange and engage the enemy, what kind of soldiers are we? As you all know, I'm a student of military history. My first response to this question would be that we are soldiers in the greatest traditions of the United States. Citizen Soldiers. We hear that term quite a bit in certain circles, but to the jaded and the uninitiated alike it has lost its meaning over the years. What is a citizen soldier? What does that imply?
The average guardsman (or woman!) in my unit could be doing so many other things with their free time. Many of the officers and NCOs in my battalion are prior service. They've "done their bit for King and Country" and returned to civilian life. They have chosen to continue serving. We have law enforcement members, medical first responders, members of fire departments - all citizens who chose a life of service to their communities as a vocation, now serving further as a volunteer soldier. As a member of the Texas State Guard, each soldier is responsible for their own equipment, transportation to and from drills, and training time. We are not paid for monthly drills. The FEMA, Red Cross and other courses taken by members of the Guard are done on our own time away from drill. We only draw pay when deployed, or for part of the time during which we are at our Annual Training.
The sacrifice of time, money and commitment is directly analogous to the militia of the Colonies before our great nation became a nation. The rank of private comes from the term "private soldier" which at times in history denoted a soldier who served on the requirement that they provide their own equipment. These militia soldiers maintained their civilian lives in the full spectrum of occupations, reserving a portion of their time to train, drill and prepare for the day their services would be needed in a military capacity. These were not professional soldiers to the exclusion of all else - but they had a willingness to serve and make the necessary sacrifices that service required.
I may never be fired upon in the line of service. Indeed, I hope this is the case. Most people assume that it goes without saying that a member of the State Guard will never be in a combat situation. We are here to help our fellow Texans and others when floods, fires, hurricanes and other disasters occur. We train for those sort of events, and take great pride in the earning and wear of the Military Emergency Management Systems badge. That said, I know of more than one fellow guardsman who HAS been fired upon - sometimes during duty near the border, sometimes by looters and the like after a disaster.
The point is, as a cadre NCO who has earned my respect is fond of reminding is "Soldiering is inherently dangerous." I did not sign up with the Guard with the expectation that I would be toting an M4 in a combat zone. That is not our primary mission. I did sign up with an understanding - the understanding that taking the oath and putting on the uniform meant that should the need occur, I might well be placed in harm's way in the line of duty. The probability is that unlike one of my good friends who is in the US Army and has been fired upon, returned fire, and exposed to IEDs and all sorts of nastiness, I will never have to fire a shot in anger. That does not mean my service is guaranteed to be safe. We may not be facing the same kinds of threats, but each of us has to accept that the cautionary tale of the experienced Guard soliders might be us some day. We're not joining a civilian organization, and we must be aware of the possible ramifications of that decision.
You will not ever hear me saying that service in an SDF is equivalent to federal service. Those that choose soldiering as a vocation have my utmost respect and gratitude, and I am honored to share the uniform and traditions. At the same time I will defend vigorously the function and duties of my unit and my organization. We of the Texas State Guard have chosen to give our time and our money in the earnest desire to help our fellow Texans in time of need. We are, by legal definition, soldiers in the Texas Military Forces. Period. Does that mean we are the same kind of soldier the US Army sends overseas? No, but we are the kind of soldier who will be there when our community needs us - training as volunteers and procuring all the gear necessary to render aid. We are citizen soldiers in the grand traditions going back to the first colonial militias.
I have the fortune to serve with some incredible people. Soldiers who already served in Iraq, Afghanistan and many other places. Police, fire and EMTs looking for more ways in which to serve. Fresh-faced young college students looking to learn something about military life while continuing in their studies. One of the most amazing NCOs I've ever met is a former MP who is a real estate agent in civilian life. Another was a soldier in his native Norway before coming here, earning citizenship, and deciding to continue to serve his new country. It's incredible to watch this diverse group of citizen soldiers develop as a team in anticipation of the time when our communities will need us.
I look forward to serving in this way - the only way I can, thanks to my OSA.
So, Specialist Webb has reported. Hooah.
03 May 2013
First post as "DAD" in a legal sense.
Greetings, True Believers.
This post is a special moment for me. Since 21 OCT 2011 I have been a father. In the hearts of my children, I've been "dad" for a long time now, but in the eyes of the law I spent a lot of that time as a foster father, with the State of Texas being the "managing conservator" of my children's welfare. If all of you are wondering why I broke my resolution to post once weekly last week, it was because we were coming up on a landmark day in our parenthood, Adoption Day, which occurred on 30 May 2013 just a few days ago. There was a lot of preparation, a lot of tough decisions financially, and enough emotion to wreck the spiritual development of a thousand Vulcans.
To quote the much-maligned theme music from Enterprise, "It's been a long road... gettin' from there to here." In the eyes of the courts, Mary and I were nothing more than the babysitter for the first 11 months and 29 days of our parenthood, which could have been revoked for the slightest reason at any time up to that point. During that time, we got to watch the State do its' level best, as is required of it, to place our children with family members. That almost occurred. Our final court date was 17 October 2012, just days before the one year mark at which Mary and I would have been "party to the case" and finally allowed to speak in court. At that time, all indications were that the kids would have been moved to a family who were extended relatives of the birth parents. We walked into the courtroom with the full expectation that the judge was going to tell us to pack up the kids, they were moving. We had seen visits with this family increase in frequency and duration, and the lawyer for the birth mom had already tried a hail-Mary play to move for immediate placement. We were emotional wrecks. MUCH to our surprise, our CASA worker delivered an impassioned plea for the children to be left where they were, as they were in a good home and had bonded so deeply with Mary and I that moving them would be detrimental to the well-being of the children. The Court agreed, and the birth family's rights were terminated - voluntarily to our surprise.
Last Tuesday we appeared in court with a large number of supportive friends, family and caseworkers who arrived to see us made the legal parents of our children. We had members of Mary's family, members of my family, members of the Royal Dragoon Guards/Starship Texas... in short, a humbling outpouring of support and love. We had more Facebook messages from other friends, family and well-wishers who could not make it to the event. It was, in short, amazing.
I believe my proudest moment was watching Kaylee, as she ran from the well-populated table of stuffed animals in front of Judge Hathcock to the peanut gallery and back giving each person in the crowd a stuffed animal while statements were taken from myself, Mary, and our CASA, CPS and Arrow representatives. When the judge asked Zane what his name was, he was initially reluctant to speak, but when I told him it was OK, he said proudly "My name is Zane Charles Xavier WEBB." It was all I could do to hold back the tears. The judge declared us a legal family, and the birth certificates for our children will reflect Mary and I as their by-God parents, as if they were born to us - which is fitting, since that's how we feel about them in our hearts.
I'd like to take a moment to thank the birth parents for having the courage and presence of heart to know that Mary and I could provide a warm, loving, secure home for their children better than they could at this time. I know it must have been a hard decision to sign those papers, voluntarily terminating their parental rights. I could see the love in both their eyes when they visited with the children, and I wish they could know that I respect the depth of love it takes to make the admission that someone else might provide a better future and a more stable home and act on that realization. I consider it my solemn duty to make sure that Zane and Kaylee never want for anything, and are raised to be inquisitive, loving, respectful, thoughtful, and kind. I want my children to respect their elders and authority figures, but not be so slavishly dependent on them that they do not think for themselves. I want them to question, to learn, and to stand up for what their hearts tell them is right regardless of anything they have been taught. I want them to have the courage to speak their minds, and the compassion to be respectful of the beliefs of others - both qualities it has taken me thirty-seven years to develop.
At this point in my life, everything is wonderful, and special. I remember the feeling Wednesday night as we sat down do dinner at our kitchen table and I looked at Mary and mused "This is our first family dinner at home where our last names match!" My heart is exploding with love, and joy, and hope for the future. I love my children, and I hope they experience the love of many, many others as they journey through life.
Ladies and gentlemen, I happily introduce you to Zane Charles Xavier Webb, age 3, and Kaylee Jo Webb who will be 2 this month. They are my world, they are my children. I had so many plans for where I would be or what I would be doing as I approached forty years of age, but to quote the song one additional time, thanks to these kids, I will be "Goin' where my heart will take me."
The Old Dragoon
This post is a special moment for me. Since 21 OCT 2011 I have been a father. In the hearts of my children, I've been "dad" for a long time now, but in the eyes of the law I spent a lot of that time as a foster father, with the State of Texas being the "managing conservator" of my children's welfare. If all of you are wondering why I broke my resolution to post once weekly last week, it was because we were coming up on a landmark day in our parenthood, Adoption Day, which occurred on 30 May 2013 just a few days ago. There was a lot of preparation, a lot of tough decisions financially, and enough emotion to wreck the spiritual development of a thousand Vulcans.
To quote the much-maligned theme music from Enterprise, "It's been a long road... gettin' from there to here." In the eyes of the courts, Mary and I were nothing more than the babysitter for the first 11 months and 29 days of our parenthood, which could have been revoked for the slightest reason at any time up to that point. During that time, we got to watch the State do its' level best, as is required of it, to place our children with family members. That almost occurred. Our final court date was 17 October 2012, just days before the one year mark at which Mary and I would have been "party to the case" and finally allowed to speak in court. At that time, all indications were that the kids would have been moved to a family who were extended relatives of the birth parents. We walked into the courtroom with the full expectation that the judge was going to tell us to pack up the kids, they were moving. We had seen visits with this family increase in frequency and duration, and the lawyer for the birth mom had already tried a hail-Mary play to move for immediate placement. We were emotional wrecks. MUCH to our surprise, our CASA worker delivered an impassioned plea for the children to be left where they were, as they were in a good home and had bonded so deeply with Mary and I that moving them would be detrimental to the well-being of the children. The Court agreed, and the birth family's rights were terminated - voluntarily to our surprise.
Last Tuesday we appeared in court with a large number of supportive friends, family and caseworkers who arrived to see us made the legal parents of our children. We had members of Mary's family, members of my family, members of the Royal Dragoon Guards/Starship Texas... in short, a humbling outpouring of support and love. We had more Facebook messages from other friends, family and well-wishers who could not make it to the event. It was, in short, amazing.
I believe my proudest moment was watching Kaylee, as she ran from the well-populated table of stuffed animals in front of Judge Hathcock to the peanut gallery and back giving each person in the crowd a stuffed animal while statements were taken from myself, Mary, and our CASA, CPS and Arrow representatives. When the judge asked Zane what his name was, he was initially reluctant to speak, but when I told him it was OK, he said proudly "My name is Zane Charles Xavier WEBB." It was all I could do to hold back the tears. The judge declared us a legal family, and the birth certificates for our children will reflect Mary and I as their by-God parents, as if they were born to us - which is fitting, since that's how we feel about them in our hearts.
I'd like to take a moment to thank the birth parents for having the courage and presence of heart to know that Mary and I could provide a warm, loving, secure home for their children better than they could at this time. I know it must have been a hard decision to sign those papers, voluntarily terminating their parental rights. I could see the love in both their eyes when they visited with the children, and I wish they could know that I respect the depth of love it takes to make the admission that someone else might provide a better future and a more stable home and act on that realization. I consider it my solemn duty to make sure that Zane and Kaylee never want for anything, and are raised to be inquisitive, loving, respectful, thoughtful, and kind. I want my children to respect their elders and authority figures, but not be so slavishly dependent on them that they do not think for themselves. I want them to question, to learn, and to stand up for what their hearts tell them is right regardless of anything they have been taught. I want them to have the courage to speak their minds, and the compassion to be respectful of the beliefs of others - both qualities it has taken me thirty-seven years to develop.
At this point in my life, everything is wonderful, and special. I remember the feeling Wednesday night as we sat down do dinner at our kitchen table and I looked at Mary and mused "This is our first family dinner at home where our last names match!" My heart is exploding with love, and joy, and hope for the future. I love my children, and I hope they experience the love of many, many others as they journey through life.
Ladies and gentlemen, I happily introduce you to Zane Charles Xavier Webb, age 3, and Kaylee Jo Webb who will be 2 this month. They are my world, they are my children. I had so many plans for where I would be or what I would be doing as I approached forty years of age, but to quote the song one additional time, thanks to these kids, I will be "Goin' where my heart will take me."
The Old Dragoon
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